¡They're G.R.R.R.E.A.T.!
Today I was driving behind a car with a bumper sticker which read, "Proud Parent of a D.A.R.E. Graduate." For those of you not "in the know" like myself, D.A.R.E. stands for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. First off, that's not much to be proud of. Graduating D.A.R.E. only requires signing a piece of paper; much like graduating UA with a communications degree. But I'm not a fan of bumper stickers, so I might be biased. Second, if I remember correctly D.A.R.E. didn't really teach me anything. [insert communications joke here]
As I recall, the majority of D.A.R.E. was teaching kids how to say no to drugs. I wasn't offered drugs until a few years, and at that point there were two kinds of people who offered me drugs: friends and random people at parties. In either case, all you have to do to refuse drugs is say "No, thanks." Which might have been one of the D.A.R.E. methods. All the other methods were pointless. My friends never tried to force me into using drugs - when I would say no, it just meant more for them.
I've never used the Cold Shoulder to refuse drugs from my friends. Then you just look like an ass. The only time I've ever used Strength in Numbers is to muscle money from shopkeepers. Walking Away or Changing the Subject just makes you look weird.
If they really want to keep kids off drugs, they just need to tell them what they do. Show a real pre- and post-MDMA brain. Man, opportunities for comm. major jokes just keep popping up. Bring in a heroin addict, track lines and all. Or show a cocaine using Hollywood star. Okay, maybe not that last one.
Or better yet, use my patent pending method known as "Don't be like _____."Pick one kid in the class - the goofiest, biggest loser. Let's say his name is...Timmy. Start off by picking on Timmy constantly and crushing his will to live, right in front of the class. Then say things like, "Look how big a loser Timmy is. If you smoke weed, you'll end up like him." Or "I bet Timmy will do Heroin. You don't want to be like Timmy, do you?" Then, nobody will do drugs because they don't want to be like Timmy. And if they all gang up on Timmy, there will be Strength in Numbers. Of course, Timmy will probably turn to drugs to forget his pain, but one out of thirty isn't bad.
If D.A.R.E. is the All Star Quarterback Son in the Children's Education family, G.R.E.A.T. is the borderline retarded younger brother nobody talks about. I never hear about G.R.E.A.T., so I don't know if anybody else took it. G.R.E.A.T. stands for Gang Resistance Education and Training. They taught mostly the same methods as D.A.R.E, except applied to gangs. And it was much more likely to get you an ass-beating if you tried to use it.
Of course, G.R.E.A.T. was pretty pointless for me. Teaching the ackward, chubby, spectacle wearing white kid in the advanced class to not join a gang is like teaching a dog to not run red lights while driving - totally pointless. Unless one of those gangs was looking for a CPA or an engineer. Then I'd totally be in.
And that's the end of my D.A.R.E./G.R.E.A.T. incoherent, stream of consciousness rambling. Now it's time for me to go see Land of the Dead, a film twenty years in the making. George A. Romero's film career is coming back to life like the zombies he creates. And I couldn't be happier.
As I recall, the majority of D.A.R.E. was teaching kids how to say no to drugs. I wasn't offered drugs until a few years, and at that point there were two kinds of people who offered me drugs: friends and random people at parties. In either case, all you have to do to refuse drugs is say "No, thanks." Which might have been one of the D.A.R.E. methods. All the other methods were pointless. My friends never tried to force me into using drugs - when I would say no, it just meant more for them.
I've never used the Cold Shoulder to refuse drugs from my friends. Then you just look like an ass. The only time I've ever used Strength in Numbers is to muscle money from shopkeepers. Walking Away or Changing the Subject just makes you look weird.
If they really want to keep kids off drugs, they just need to tell them what they do. Show a real pre- and post-MDMA brain. Man, opportunities for comm. major jokes just keep popping up. Bring in a heroin addict, track lines and all. Or show a cocaine using Hollywood star. Okay, maybe not that last one.
Or better yet, use my patent pending method known as "Don't be like _____."Pick one kid in the class - the goofiest, biggest loser. Let's say his name is...Timmy. Start off by picking on Timmy constantly and crushing his will to live, right in front of the class. Then say things like, "Look how big a loser Timmy is. If you smoke weed, you'll end up like him." Or "I bet Timmy will do Heroin. You don't want to be like Timmy, do you?" Then, nobody will do drugs because they don't want to be like Timmy. And if they all gang up on Timmy, there will be Strength in Numbers. Of course, Timmy will probably turn to drugs to forget his pain, but one out of thirty isn't bad.
If D.A.R.E. is the All Star Quarterback Son in the Children's Education family, G.R.E.A.T. is the borderline retarded younger brother nobody talks about. I never hear about G.R.E.A.T., so I don't know if anybody else took it. G.R.E.A.T. stands for Gang Resistance Education and Training. They taught mostly the same methods as D.A.R.E, except applied to gangs. And it was much more likely to get you an ass-beating if you tried to use it.
Of course, G.R.E.A.T. was pretty pointless for me. Teaching the ackward, chubby, spectacle wearing white kid in the advanced class to not join a gang is like teaching a dog to not run red lights while driving - totally pointless. Unless one of those gangs was looking for a CPA or an engineer. Then I'd totally be in.
And that's the end of my D.A.R.E./G.R.E.A.T. incoherent, stream of consciousness rambling. Now it's time for me to go see Land of the Dead, a film twenty years in the making. George A. Romero's film career is coming back to life like the zombies he creates. And I couldn't be happier.
posted by Montgomery at 1:26 PM
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