Oh, hello! When did you get here?

I'm worried my blog has jumped the shark. And not the cute, Henry Winkler on Arrested Development self-referential kind of way. The bad kind of way. The kind of way where material starts to dwindle and your favorite show tries a spin-off to draw in new viewers. I think maybe I'll just update this one whenever I can. Screw the wards!

I'm just going to keep blaming medical school. During my first two years I could write in class and study later because, to be honest, even when I wasn't writing in class I was just imagining old Oswald the Lucky Rabbit cartoons. But sadly I don't have that luxury anymore. Even on my "easy" rotations I work constantly, and I live half way between Phoenix and Santa's Workshop so I end up driving a lot. And given the choice between my readers and my wife, I'm going to choose my wife.

Speaking of which...

Update the First: Montgomery's Marital Magic
Over winter break, I married the Most Magical Woman on Earth™ at the Most Magical Place on Earth™ - Walt Disney World! Here is an artist's rendition:

That's actually how our cake topper looked. But if you'd prefer a more creepy image:

Yikes. FYI, Precious Moments figures give me the Jibblies. I'm pretty sure the people who collect them are the same people who taxidermy relatives. Anyway...

It was an awesome time and it encompassed my entire winter break. The morning after my shelf exam I flew to Florida. 5-ish days of Park hopping led into an awesome ceremony at Disney's Wedding Pavilion presided over masterfully by the Reverend Larkitect. Cake cutting at the Grand Floridian with an amazing toast by my Broseph. Reception luau dinner at the Polynesian. 2 nights at the Wilderness Lodge. Honeymoon suite for a honeymoon cruise of the Caribbean for a week, then New Year's Eve in NYC with Areenos and jPod where I randomly ran into another med student from my class (what're the odds? 1 in a million sounds pretty accurate, actually). Then home for a few days before my next rotation started.

Whew, I'm exhausted just writing about it. It couldn't have been any better. Unless we won the lottery and I cloned a pachycephalosaurus and put a saddle on it and trained it to carry me around. That would've been pretty good, too.

Things have been great since then. We're a happy couple. Speaking of which...

Update the Second: Time for Bed
I've neglected the Missus long enough. Time to hit the hay. Then after that I'm going to bed.

Yay, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!

Montgomery Wards

Here

Not a great start, but hopefully thing will pick up.

It'll be like "Montgomery Road: The College Years"

Except Legal Counsel won't be sleeping with Patrick Fabian*.

Let me just start off by saying that I love writing. A lot. So much so that if I thought I had any real talent and/or dedication I'd want to try to make a career of it. So understand that my lack of posts is not out of sheer laziness, but out of lack of time. And a little laziness. And Guitar Hero II. Damn you, Harmonix!

So I really do want to be writing on here, honest. But my life has kind of been consumed by medicine. I work most of the day, study for another good chunk, and (to be honest) I'd prefer to spend my remaining free time playing with Legal Counsel.

But even Legal Counsel has been pushing me to start writing again, so now I have to. But I have another issue: I never wanted Montgomery Road to become a "medical blog." This is my sanctuary from the world of medicine. My place to make obscure references, discuss zombie defense strategies, and insult D-Rock's overweight promiscuous mother.

What I'm getting at is this: I'm thinking of starting a new blog. A blog in which I can discuss medicine without feeling like it has metastasized to every facet of my life. It's a hollow gesture, I know, but just humour me. It'll still be my attempts at comedy, not a serious discussion of grown-up medical issues. Nobody wants that.

So I've got a small back log of material, ready to go. But I don't have a name! Everything I thought of was taken. So I'm asking you, my readers (if there are any of you left), to offer me suggestions of what I should call my spin-off/sequel blog. If I like your suggestion, I'll use it and send you a monthly bill for royalties**. Let the smart ass comments begin!

Although Montgomery Road: The College Years sounds pretty good... Too bad that would have to be a prequel.


* that reference was a little much, even for me. Must've been building up for a while.
** don't question it.

Lesson o' the Day

Not everybody has a sense of humor.

Today in the world of Psychiatry we had a lecture on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which quickly turned into a lecture on neuroanatomy. The doctor was trying to explain the function of the amygdala using the time-honored technique of analogy, and the following exchange took place:

Doctor: You can't expect the amygdala to process information like the prefrontal cortex, they have totally different functions. If you're not psychotic, would you wake up in the morning and ask your elbow for stock quotes?
Montgomery: ...no?
Doctor: Right! And why is that?
Montgomery: Because my elbow only reads the editorials.

The doctor responded in the following ways, in this order:
1. Confused look
2. Blank stare
3. Half-hearted laugh
4. Crook eye

Needless to say, it was awkward. I can see my evaluation now: "knowledgable, works well with patients, possibly delusional."

I'm still alive, only I'm very badly burned

Man, 3rd year is busy. If I didn't enjoy it so much, I'd be rather depressed. But I'm lovin' it™, so life is good.

The hours are still killer, so my blogging continues to suffer. Once I finish my work-a-day, I just want to spend time with Legal Counsel. Sorry, readers.

I'm updating now for fear that somebody might declare squatter's rights. On a related note, 50 guys declared squatter's rights on D-Rock's mom's face last night. I've still got it!

Things that have happened since my last post:

• I finished my OB/GYN rotation. Once December rolls around, I'll never see a vagina again.
• Psych started. Pelvics are a lot more difficult nowadays.
• I got a new Disneyland Annual Passport for my birfday, courtesy of Legal Counsel. She knows how to keep me happy.
• We went to Venice Beach. If anything deserves a blog post, it's that place. For a bunch of communist hippies, they certainly care a lot about money.
• Traffic still sucks. So does D-Rock's mom. Zing!

TTFN, peeps.

Sodalicious

I recently expressed my disdain for Phoenix on this blog, and I stand by my assessment. Especially after driving home on the I-17, mired in traffic for an hour only to find that everyone had slowed down for absolutely nothing. Usually everybody comes to a screeching halt because somebody is changing a tire or because a pigeon has come to rest on the median. but this time, nothing. If you're going to drive like a damned fool, at least have a damned fool reason for doing so.

But recently a ray of sunshine has come to penetrate this festering pile* of a city. Now you might be wondering, "how would a ray of sunshine penetrate a festering pile?" Simple: holes in the ozone layer. Just ask Al Gore. He'll tell you. At great length. Whether you want him to or not. Al, if you're reading this, please leave my house. And if you want Bugles™, go buy some yourself and quit bugging me.

Anyway, the metaphorical ray of sunshine which has penetrated this figurative festering pile is the discovery that Glass Bottled Coke** abounds in this city. Mmm... glass bottled Coke.... In Tucson, you'd have to search for literally minutes to find coke in a glass bottle. But during my stay in Phoenix, I've randomly stumbled onto at least three locations that actively display Coke bottles for sale. You know what, change "randomly stumbled" to "drunkenly stumbled."

If you're sitting at your computer wondering what the big deal is about Coke in a glass bottle, you should be hanged, drawn and quartered. That's right, I'm getting pre-1870 British on your ass. Glass bottle coke is the most del.icio.us thing I've tasted since I stole ambrosia from Hephaestus. Hehe, sucker...

I don't really know why it's so tasty. Maybe they save their best batches for the glass bottles. Or maybe it's psychological. The most likely explanation is that the microscopic silica particles from the glass tear up my mouth and esophagus, allowing for better transfer of flavor. You know, the same reason they put fiberglass in chewing tobacco. I guess that would make bottled coke less delicious and more siliceous. How's that for a fancy pants word?

So I've been indulging in the flavor hoedown that is glass bottled soda, waiting for Legal Counsel to finish the Bar and move up here. Wait a minute, she took the Bar yesterday/today*** and she moves up tonight! Sweet! That'll make two good things in Phoenix. No offense, Phoenix readers. Lots of offense, Phoenix non-readers. Maybe when she gets here I'll take her to Pop the Soda Shop.

It's going to be hard to blog if I'm playing patty-fingers...

*please be fully aware that I exaggerate for creative reasons
**no, D-Rock and Bees, I didn't say glass bottomed boat
***she kicked ass, obviously

Do you think they'll find his head?

I hope so.