Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?
Recently I've taken up cooking. The reason for this new hobby is mainly boredom, and because cooking is actually pretty fun. Except when you jab yourself in the hand whilst trying to slice up a bell pepper in front of your girlfriend, who normally laughs at you when you hurt yourself but this time it was just too sad and she felt sorry for you. Damn bell pepper...
Last night I made a delicious Pico de Gallo. In fact, it's too good. It's so good that when I'm finished with it, I'll walk straight into the kitchen and shoot the cook (myself). Because that's what I do. I restore the balance to this country....sorry. I was just temporarily possessed by the ghost of Johnny Depp. Who isn't dead, so I don't know how he has a ghost. He's just that cool.
Anybody who has spent any time in the Southwestern US knows that Pico de Gallo is a delicious salsa type mixture with tomatoes, onions, cilantro, etc. It's the nectar of the gods. The Mexican Gods. Except Coyolxauhqui. Oh Coyolxauhqui, why can't you be more like your brother Huitzilopochtli.
Now "The Gallo," as us cool kids are known to call it, contains only fruits, vegetables and spices. But according to the Babel Fish, "Pico de Gallo" translates as "Rooster Tip." What the hell. Either Mexican chefs are really weird or I missed an ingredient. And I don't think the dish would be as good with juicy bits of real rooster, but I could be wrong. Or maybe the salsa is meant to be used as a garnsih when serving rooster. Which is good to know for my next barbecue (not barbeque). Whatever the case, I regret looking up the translation. Now, every time I eat the delicious stuff I will be thinking, "I am chewing on Rooster Tip."
Last night I made a delicious Pico de Gallo. In fact, it's too good. It's so good that when I'm finished with it, I'll walk straight into the kitchen and shoot the cook (myself). Because that's what I do. I restore the balance to this country....sorry. I was just temporarily possessed by the ghost of Johnny Depp. Who isn't dead, so I don't know how he has a ghost. He's just that cool.
Anybody who has spent any time in the Southwestern US knows that Pico de Gallo is a delicious salsa type mixture with tomatoes, onions, cilantro, etc. It's the nectar of the gods. The Mexican Gods. Except Coyolxauhqui. Oh Coyolxauhqui, why can't you be more like your brother Huitzilopochtli.
Now "The Gallo," as us cool kids are known to call it, contains only fruits, vegetables and spices. But according to the Babel Fish, "Pico de Gallo" translates as "Rooster Tip." What the hell. Either Mexican chefs are really weird or I missed an ingredient. And I don't think the dish would be as good with juicy bits of real rooster, but I could be wrong. Or maybe the salsa is meant to be used as a garnsih when serving rooster. Which is good to know for my next barbecue (not barbeque). Whatever the case, I regret looking up the translation. Now, every time I eat the delicious stuff I will be thinking, "I am chewing on Rooster Tip."
posted by Montgomery at 9:46 AM
1 Comments:
GEORGE: Why don't they have salsa on the table?
JERRY: What do you need salsa for?
GEORGE: Salsa is now the number one condiment in America.
JERRY: You know why? Because people like to say "salsa." "Excuse me, do
you have salsa?" "We need more salsa." "Where is the salsa? No salsa?"
GEORGE: You know it must be impossible for a Spanish person to order seltzer and not get salsa. (Angry) "I wanted seltzer, not salsa."
JERRY: "Don't you know the difference between seltzer and salsa?? You have the seltezer after the salsa!"
GEORGE: See, this should be a show. This is the show.
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