Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one?
This year's World Series Bowl was a real...nail-biter? The Cubs lost to the Horseshoes, 29-17. Or something like that. I really don't know sports.
But what I do know are commercials. I've been letting commercials control my life for roughly seventeen years now. Starting with which toys to buy, then which alcohols to illegally drink because its cool, and nowadays which drugs not to do because they're uncool and which toys to buy, I've been under the advertising world's control almost my entire life. So I know a thing or two about commercials.
Or maybe I don't. USA Today (which Colbert aptly points out is really about USA yesterday) ran a poll of 238 adults to see which ads were most popular. Why 238? Because they wanted a number which easily converted to an accurate math equation (2^3=8) and marks a significant event in Roman History (the Year of Six Emperors). They tried 459 (4+5=9, and the death of Simeon Stylites), but they couldn't get that many volunteers.
Anyway, the 238 adults they did get had opinions greatly differing from my own. Here are my top 6 ads:
Calm down, Montgomery. Don't let that Matrix-looking chick drop kick your heart. Maybe people just don't understand the ads...or understand that Carlos Mencia is untalented, unfunny and only appeals to people's racist, bigoted sides. It's my job to explain these commercials.
Gramin GPS vs. Map Monster
On the surface, this appears to be a play on the Japanese Monster Movie Genre (JMMG). But really it's a nuanced expression of the modern struggle between old and new methods. High-tech vs. low-tech, digital vs. analog, paper vs. plastic. A tour-de-force of social analysis and criticism. Really quite brilliant. It's also fun to deride Japanese pop culture; somebody finally had the guts to take Ultraman down a peg or three.
Factory Robot is fired, takes own life.
The beauty of this commercial comes from its irony. The factory working robot (who obviously lives in America, based on subsequent scenes) is fired from his job, tries desperately to make something of his tattered life, and ultimately kills himself. This commercial was made by GM, one of the worst offenders when it comes to laying-off its own loyal American factory workers in favor of cheaper Mexican labor. No tricksy metaphors here: the robot is the American worker. GM is essentially bragging about its ability to fire workers with no regard for their lives, often leading to homelessness and suicide. It's ironic that they would choose to advertise one of their greatest faults. Hence, comedy. Tragic comedy. Tragicomedy.
Emerald Nuts and Robert Goulet
Goulet!
K-Fed not realizing he's being openly mocked on air
K-Fed is a no-talent assclown with delusions of grandeur who is only famous because he married that white trash chick what's-her-face. But that's why we love him. So it's fun to see him in a commercial. But it's even more fun to realize that America is laughing at him, not with him. And he'll never understand that.
Heart Man vs. Heart Disease
It takes an important public health lesson and converts it to a medium America can understand: fighting. It's really what we do best. Too bad it made the diseases look cooler than the healthy heart. The diseases were Matrix-esque ass-kickers, while the heart was an unsuspecting goofball. It made me want to get diabetes, obesity and high blood pressure (actually, i've already got that one). Next time make the heart a good ol' american white boy in church, and make the diseases bomb-wielding brown skinned people. Every America knows that brown skinned people are terrorists, or at the very least trying to take our jobs. duh.
I hope this clears things up. I should really go into the ad industry...
But what I do know are commercials. I've been letting commercials control my life for roughly seventeen years now. Starting with which toys to buy, then which alcohols to illegally drink because its cool, and nowadays which drugs not to do because they're uncool and which toys to buy, I've been under the advertising world's control almost my entire life. So I know a thing or two about commercials.
Or maybe I don't. USA Today (which Colbert aptly points out is really about USA yesterday) ran a poll of 238 adults to see which ads were most popular. Why 238? Because they wanted a number which easily converted to an accurate math equation (2^3=8) and marks a significant event in Roman History (the Year of Six Emperors). They tried 459 (4+5=9, and the death of Simeon Stylites), but they couldn't get that many volunteers.
Anyway, the 238 adults they did get had opinions greatly differing from my own. Here are my top 6 ads:
- Garmin GPS vs. Map Monster
- Factory robot is fired, takes own life
- Emerald Nuts and Robert Goulet
- K-Fed not realizing he's being openly mocked on air
- Heart man vs. heart diseases (even though it made diabetes look damn cool)
- The one they kept playing with the guys throwing the ball around
Calm down, Montgomery. Don't let that Matrix-looking chick drop kick your heart. Maybe people just don't understand the ads...or understand that Carlos Mencia is untalented, unfunny and only appeals to people's racist, bigoted sides. It's my job to explain these commercials.
Gramin GPS vs. Map Monster
On the surface, this appears to be a play on the Japanese Monster Movie Genre (JMMG). But really it's a nuanced expression of the modern struggle between old and new methods. High-tech vs. low-tech, digital vs. analog, paper vs. plastic. A tour-de-force of social analysis and criticism. Really quite brilliant. It's also fun to deride Japanese pop culture; somebody finally had the guts to take Ultraman down a peg or three.
Factory Robot is fired, takes own life.
The beauty of this commercial comes from its irony. The factory working robot (who obviously lives in America, based on subsequent scenes) is fired from his job, tries desperately to make something of his tattered life, and ultimately kills himself. This commercial was made by GM, one of the worst offenders when it comes to laying-off its own loyal American factory workers in favor of cheaper Mexican labor. No tricksy metaphors here: the robot is the American worker. GM is essentially bragging about its ability to fire workers with no regard for their lives, often leading to homelessness and suicide. It's ironic that they would choose to advertise one of their greatest faults. Hence, comedy. Tragic comedy. Tragicomedy.
Emerald Nuts and Robert Goulet
Goulet!
K-Fed not realizing he's being openly mocked on air
K-Fed is a no-talent assclown with delusions of grandeur who is only famous because he married that white trash chick what's-her-face. But that's why we love him. So it's fun to see him in a commercial. But it's even more fun to realize that America is laughing at him, not with him. And he'll never understand that.
Heart Man vs. Heart Disease
It takes an important public health lesson and converts it to a medium America can understand: fighting. It's really what we do best. Too bad it made the diseases look cooler than the healthy heart. The diseases were Matrix-esque ass-kickers, while the heart was an unsuspecting goofball. It made me want to get diabetes, obesity and high blood pressure (actually, i've already got that one). Next time make the heart a good ol' american white boy in church, and make the diseases bomb-wielding brown skinned people. Every America knows that brown skinned people are terrorists, or at the very least trying to take our jobs. duh.
I hope this clears things up. I should really go into the ad industry...
posted by Montgomery at 8:59 AM
4 Comments:
What about the mechanic snickers kiss? Hot man on man action. Come on!
If it wasn't previously apparent to everyone it should be now. You obviously have absolutely no taste whatsoever. God help us all if you ever did a commercial for healthcare. To think you bashed Cynthia Nixon. Horrible.
I never bashed Cynthia Nixon, I just made a comparison. It was anonymous (if that is your real name) who started throwing around stereotypes about lesbians. And I've said before, Montgomery Road is a Hate Free Zone...except for all the things I hate.
And I'm proud to have no taste, especially if "no taste" means disagreeing with the majority of Americans. Remember, the majority of Americans re-elected George W Bush. Jibbly...
oooh good one montgomery!!!
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