Plumber's Quack
I'm sure most of you already aware of this but on 24 May 2007 George W "Dubya" Bush nominated James W "Double U" Holsinger for Surgeon General*.
There's no doubt in my mind that he nominated "Dr" Holsinger based entirely on his middle initial. And that's fine. It seems like a higher standard than he applied to any of his other officials. He's the president. He can do what he wants. Unfortunately.
I was fine with the decision because really, who cares? It's a political position. But then a certain piece of information was brought to my attention - by the Colbert Report, I think. It's sad that I get most of my news from Comedy Central. Or is it? At least they are willing to ridicule both sides.
Anyway, what i learned was that "Dr" Holsinger published a paper entitled "The Pathophysiology of Male Homosexuality." Right of the bat**, I have a problem with the paper. The title implies that homosexuality is a pathologic condition. Sigh. I could spend all day criticizing this, but it wouldn't be funny. Moving on!
In a much publicized quote from the paper, "Dr" Holsinger writes:
Don't get me wrong, I love plumbers. My grandfather was a plumber, Mario & Luigi are plumbers. Plumbers are cool. But you can't go basing medicine on plumbing. Trust me, I've tried. After eight attempts to replace a faulty aortic valve with a ball cock***, you learn your lesson. Just ask me and/or Thomas Crapper****.
But lets take a look at the anaology anyway, shall we? He is implying that the only possible connection between two pipes is male-->female. That's all wrong!
He believes that you can't/shouldn't connect two pipes with male fittings. But you know what? Male pipes often have a receptive fitting on the other side! All you have to do is turn one around, and you can connect two males. Just like with humans!
And female to female is almost as easy. If you need to connect two female fittings, all you need is the proper connector. And that's just plain sexy! Ask Jennifer Connelly, she'll tell you.
You know what? Maybe this pipe analogy isn't so bad. With enough imagination you can draw all sorts of parallels.
In conclusion, "Dr" Holsinger probably knows as much about medicine as he does about plumbing. But maybe his analogy wasn't as wrong as I initially assumed. It's just not what he intended.
Gives a whole new meaning to Pipefitters union.
*of the United States
**what does this phrase even mean? Are bats known for getting straight to the point? Or is it a baseball analogy. Hey, that might be it!
***giggle
****oh my god, giggle much?
There's no doubt in my mind that he nominated "Dr" Holsinger based entirely on his middle initial. And that's fine. It seems like a higher standard than he applied to any of his other officials. He's the president. He can do what he wants. Unfortunately.
I was fine with the decision because really, who cares? It's a political position. But then a certain piece of information was brought to my attention - by the Colbert Report, I think. It's sad that I get most of my news from Comedy Central. Or is it? At least they are willing to ridicule both sides.
Anyway, what i learned was that "Dr" Holsinger published a paper entitled "The Pathophysiology of Male Homosexuality." Right of the bat**, I have a problem with the paper. The title implies that homosexuality is a pathologic condition. Sigh. I could spend all day criticizing this, but it wouldn't be funny. Moving on!
In a much publicized quote from the paper, "Dr" Holsinger writes:
The logical complementarity of the human sexes has been so recognized in our culture that it has entered our vocabulary in the form of naming various pipe fittings either the male pipe fitting or the female pipe fitting depending upon which one interlocks within the other.You're using plumbing as support for your argument? Really?
Don't get me wrong, I love plumbers. My grandfather was a plumber, Mario & Luigi are plumbers. Plumbers are cool. But you can't go basing medicine on plumbing. Trust me, I've tried. After eight attempts to replace a faulty aortic valve with a ball cock***, you learn your lesson. Just ask me and/or Thomas Crapper****.
But lets take a look at the anaology anyway, shall we? He is implying that the only possible connection between two pipes is male-->female. That's all wrong!
He believes that you can't/shouldn't connect two pipes with male fittings. But you know what? Male pipes often have a receptive fitting on the other side! All you have to do is turn one around, and you can connect two males. Just like with humans!
And female to female is almost as easy. If you need to connect two female fittings, all you need is the proper connector. And that's just plain sexy! Ask Jennifer Connelly, she'll tell you.
You know what? Maybe this pipe analogy isn't so bad. With enough imagination you can draw all sorts of parallels.
In conclusion, "Dr" Holsinger probably knows as much about medicine as he does about plumbing. But maybe his analogy wasn't as wrong as I initially assumed. It's just not what he intended.
Gives a whole new meaning to Pipefitters union.
*of the United States
**what does this phrase even mean? Are bats known for getting straight to the point? Or is it a baseball analogy. Hey, that might be it!
***giggle
****oh my god, giggle much?
posted by Montgomery at 9:28 PM
9 Comments:
That paper and its views are so repulsive, i just threw up in my mouth a little. Ok, so maybe i didnt, but it made me want to.
I'd go off on this rant because today was my con law day in bar study, but i'll spare you :) i know you must get enough from legal counsel.
areenos
Your lack of posts is forcing me to actually do work. Whatever medical crisis's you are fixing, however you are saving the world today, is greatly dwarfed by my daily (nay, hourly) anguish that there is no new post on Monty's blog.
I hope you're happy, do-gooder.
PS: David came to visit us, it made me miss the old days! You guys have to come over to play Marioparty.
Ok, I have good news and bad news.
Bad news is I am now behaving as if you are obligated to post regularly. It is your fault bringing the awesome to every post.
Good news I have recieved two seperate e-mails from friends who are also adicted to your blog, wondering where you went. You have quite a fan base!
You should sell advertising space here now. You just have to ask yourself if you want to use your powers for good or for awesome. :-)
Once you start posting regularly, you can't just stop. I mean, practicing medicine is no excuse. Speaking of no excuse, you're living up here now, and you haven't even come by for a little Wii or snacks? Just plain lame.
Cynthia and I are dying for a new post. We need to make nasty comments.
this is crazy!!! are you still alive?!?1
Really. I concur with all the above comments (including mine, i'm consistent like that). I know you're birthing babies and saving the world one life at a time and what not, but really... you kind of created a duty for your self by blogging and now you're in breach! BREACH!
I hope you are in a coma or dead. This is ridiculous. Its been over a month. Come on!!!!
Seriously... SERIOUSLY... I went away to Alaska for a week and a half and still no post!
I am glad to see I am not alone in my anguish, and hopefully you view this as a precursor to us, your loyal fan base, starting a petition for your release from any activity that limits your blogging time. Oh yes, we will start a campaign with enough fire power to occupy Paris!
Well, fellow posters, since Monty has abandoned us... how are you all doing? Seen anything funny on the internets lately? I have discovered this wonderful comedian on youtube. Search for "Jokes with a guitar" I think his name is Demetri Martin.
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