Listserved!

The College of Medicine listserv is a very...contentious place. It's the email equivalent of the Russia-Georgia border. Most of the time it's used for selling garbage, offering rooms for rent, medical news, and advertising high-class prostitutes. But every once in a while it erupts into an orgy of carnage and violence, by which I mean passive-aggressive debate. My personal past favorites include "I think all other students should shut their god-damn mouths and not ask questions during class" and "I'm sending this useless email to the listserv to tell y'all to stop sending useless emails to the listserv."

Well the theme of this week's debacle is bigotry. Some student sent an email announcing the California Supreme Court's decision that doctors can't deny care to homosexuals because of religious beliefs. It's a decision with which I personally agree. You can use religion to justify a lot of things - war, murder, hate - but violation of civil rights crosses the line! Plus, it opens up a whole slew of scary possibilities where doctors refuse care. Irregardless* of anybody's beliefs, it's a news story which is appropriate for a medical listserv.

Well some douchebag, who must be the King of Tools, disagreed. With a vengeance. He referred to the Gay-Straight Medical Student Alliance, of which I am former treasurer thank you, as a "support group." I'm getting the rage rigors just thinking about it. He also said that the list serve is not the place for "proselyting [sic] of ideas." I'm being honest when I say it was just the article, and no soap-boxing was going on.

And if that wasn't enough, this guy's BFF (I assume the Prince of Tools) decided to chime in with this little gem:

However there is a difference between a person and a practice. Just because I treat you respectfully doesn’t mean that I have to adjust my set of values so that I don’t offend you, nor should I have to join your church to be your friend.
Even though I do not agree with the practice of homosexuality...

You can see where this is going. Those are his underlines, by the way.My first reaction was disappointment that the UA actually admitted these students. The only student I knew of with this kind of prejudice was Bees, until now.

So after these two shining stars put in their two dinar, the whole listserv exploded. I've come up with three possible responses, but didn't send any because I'm not the kind of a-hole who argues over the internet. I'm a different kind of a-hole.

Option the first: Pulling Rank
"I know you guys haven't been here as long as I have, so I can't expect you to know as much as me. Having said that, let me just bring you up to speed on something: bitching about the listserv is the exclusive territory of 4th year students. In your first 3 years you should be too busy for this nonsense, and by 4th year you've earned the right to complain. Also, we 4th years are very bored and need some way to kill time. Thank you."

Option the second: Put my thing down flip it and reverse it
"I have to agree with the prince of tools, with a caveat: I don't agree with the practice of heterosexuality. I find it personally objectionable and offensive to my beliefs. I have many friends who are heterosexual, even though I find their lifestyle choices repugnant and believe they are going to hell. I personally practiced heterosexuality throughout most of high school and college, and I just ended up with chafing and a repetitive stress injury in my wrist. Of course, I was practicing alone. So that shows you where that road will take you. Please refrain from sending any emails which contain both the words 'penis' and 'vagina.' Thank you."

Option the third: Reductio ad Absurdum
"This article should never have been sent to the listserv. It is wrong for the Supreme Court to tell us how to run our medical practice, and I don't like having views shoved in my face. I personally don't approve of people who choose to be midgets, and don't plan to treat them when I'm a practicing physician. But there is a difference between a person and a practice. I don't agree with the practice of midgetry, but I can treat them with respect even if I'm secretly picturing them in hell. A tiny, tiny hell. Thank you."


Give me a break. Here's the bottom line: the email was totally appropriate because it pertains to medicine and law/ethics**, and is relevant. And those two guys are close-minded, hateful bigots who are likely to be eaten by a grue. Case closed.

Now that's prostheletyzing!

* I know it's not a word
** that's the first time "law" and "ethics" have appeared in the same sentence