What was I thinking?

Even during the dark times when I wasn't blogging, I was still keeping track of potential topics about which to write. The only problem is, I would usually write a brief snippet with no explanation. Then I'd come back and it would be completely out of context and I'd have no idea what the hell I was trying to say. It's like Seinfeld Season 2, Episode 13 (The Heart Attack) - Jerry writes a joke late at night and can't remember it or read it in the morning. "'Fax me some halibut.' Is that funny? Is that a joke?"

So today I thought I'd review some ideas that have been lost to the ages.

Detour - Wile E Coyote
Not sure what was going on here. I do love Wile E Coyote - he has both the inventiveness and bloodlust that make America great. And he would frequently send the Roadrunner on detours to try to catch him, which instilled in me at a young age a deep-rooted distrust of detours. But I really don't know how I was going to make that into a full post.

Batman: favorite non-marvel, non-constantine, non-hellboy, non-X, non-Y superhero
This may have been written around the time that the hype for The Dark Knight started ramping up. I think I was going to call Batman my favorite superhero, but with a bunch of qualifiers that imply he's my 11th or 12th favorite, so as to make it ridiculous. But come on! There's no way Constantine is better! And don't even get me started on X and Y!

Jokeback Mountain
Possible idea for a one-liner based on Heath Ledger's roles in Brokeback Mountain and The Dark Knight. Probably would be in bad taste now. Don't get me wrong, I'd still make a joke in bad taste. I just can't remember it.

Bankruptcy - horse saddle, toy tractors, wedding rings, guns, non-running cars
I may have been coked out of my mind when I wrote this one. It reminds me of Chris Farley in Black Sheep:

Hi there, this is Mike Donnelly. I work over here at the recreational center. To be honest with you I pretty much run the place ha, ha, ha. Is this ah Pat Gyles? Good, Good. Hey, hope everything's going great in your fine town of er Avery? Edward! Ha, ha, ha. Say, the reason I'm calling is I wanted to tell you a little bit about the candidacy of Al Donnelly. Al Donnelly's a guy with a dream. His dream is to become governor of this great state of Washington. Hell, every guy's got his dream, am I right? Between you, me and the wall here, I doozy myself last night. Ha ha, ha, ha. Get this: A corn-fed harvest mouse, a hooker, a nun, a Flemish peasant woman, whips, chains, whistles yo-yo's, a circus midget. My grandmother riding by on a bicycle give me the finger, and a duck! Now, I don't know ha, ha, ha. Are you crying? Oh my lord. I am sorry honey, please don't ! Could you get your daddy on the phone. No, don't hang up please I...

Hypothetics - French Wine Snob
First off, "hypothetics" isn't a word. Although it does sound like a new exercise for really lazy people. Second, there's nothing hypothetical about a French Wine Snob. They're real! I've seen one...and smelled others.

Shamrock shake - another reason to hate canada
As though I need another reason to hate Canada. Every year around St. Patrick's day I go hunting at nearby McDonald's restaurants for the elusive and delicious Shamrock Shake. Unfortunately every year I come up empty-handed. And by empty-handed I mean both my hands full of Big Macs, chicken strips, large fries and a coke. But no Shamrock Shake! Well this year my research revealed that McDonald's now only releases this ambrosia in Canada. Stinky, socialist Canada. So basically I think I was going to propose that we invade and take over Canada. And that we try Uncle O'Grimacey for treason.


So not all of my ideas are winners. And half of them aren't even memorable. On the plus side, while searching for the hastily scribbled txt files that are the basis of this post, I happened upon a stash of legitimately mediocre ideas that you might see in the future. Yay!