Never eat spinach just before going on the air.*
As I said yesterday, I've started cooking occasionally. As a consequence, I've developed some strange eating habits. One in particular stands out: I now find myself snacking on spinach. Yeah, that's right, spinach. My girlfriend made a delicious Egg Flower Soup which contained spinach, and there's a big bag of leftover spinach in my fridge. So now I munch on it when I'm hungry.
At first it's a little weird to think that you're eating leaves, just like ants, giraffes and Welsh people. But eventually you get used to it. My greater concern, however, is that I might develop a tolerance. If I keep eating spinach, even in small doses, I'll start resisting its effects like a drug user. And as a kid, I remember watching documentaries about how spinach makes you strong and gives you great abilities.
Imagine: I'm tied up at the docks and some big beefy guy has kidnapped my girlfriend. I certainly can't count on my hamburger loving friend to help. He's pretty wimpy. The only items at my disposal are my trusty corn-cob pipe and, coincidentally enough, a can of spinach. With my knowledge of physics, I'll probably be able to squeeze the can with my feet in a manner such that the top of the can pops off and the spinach goes sailing into the air and funnels itself entirely into my pipe, which will force the spinach down my throat.
According to my calculations, in order to break free of the ropes I'll need the spinach to cause a World War II battleship to appear on my arm, at least. With a spinach resistance, the best I can hope for is a cruiser from the Spanish-American War. My only other option is to scoot my chair toward the edge of the dock and fall into the water, at which point I'll spin the pipe in my mouth, using it like some sort of make-shift propeller, which will allow me to chase down my muscled nemesis. With a spinach resistance? My slow spinning pipe will only serve to make my slow drowning death more comical.
So, spinach might be a delicious snack item which may or may not make people think I'm from Wales, but I can't go overboard on the spinach intake. If history is any indicator of future patterns, that big beefy guy will repeatedly attempt to steal my woman and I need the superpowers granted by spinach to save her. I advise anybody reading this to take into consideration my words of wisdom.
*Dan Rather
At first it's a little weird to think that you're eating leaves, just like ants, giraffes and Welsh people. But eventually you get used to it. My greater concern, however, is that I might develop a tolerance. If I keep eating spinach, even in small doses, I'll start resisting its effects like a drug user. And as a kid, I remember watching documentaries about how spinach makes you strong and gives you great abilities.
Imagine: I'm tied up at the docks and some big beefy guy has kidnapped my girlfriend. I certainly can't count on my hamburger loving friend to help. He's pretty wimpy. The only items at my disposal are my trusty corn-cob pipe and, coincidentally enough, a can of spinach. With my knowledge of physics, I'll probably be able to squeeze the can with my feet in a manner such that the top of the can pops off and the spinach goes sailing into the air and funnels itself entirely into my pipe, which will force the spinach down my throat.
According to my calculations, in order to break free of the ropes I'll need the spinach to cause a World War II battleship to appear on my arm, at least. With a spinach resistance, the best I can hope for is a cruiser from the Spanish-American War. My only other option is to scoot my chair toward the edge of the dock and fall into the water, at which point I'll spin the pipe in my mouth, using it like some sort of make-shift propeller, which will allow me to chase down my muscled nemesis. With a spinach resistance? My slow spinning pipe will only serve to make my slow drowning death more comical.
So, spinach might be a delicious snack item which may or may not make people think I'm from Wales, but I can't go overboard on the spinach intake. If history is any indicator of future patterns, that big beefy guy will repeatedly attempt to steal my woman and I need the superpowers granted by spinach to save her. I advise anybody reading this to take into consideration my words of wisdom.
*Dan Rather
posted by Montgomery at 5:48 PM
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