Monday, October 10, 2005

Happy Colobus Day!

Second Monday in October. You know what that means: Med School is back in session! And apparently it is Colobus Day. Here in the colonies, it is a day to celebrate the slender African monkey with silky fur and a long tail who didn't discover America. Hooray!

I had planned to update this monster over the break, if for no other reason than to entertain The Lark-itect. But it didn't happen. The virus I was done with last Monday wasn't done with me. It proceeded to kick my ass for the rest of the week. But now I'm mostly better.

Probably the worst symptom was my sore throat. It felt like my body was trying to turn itself inside-out, starting at the pharynx. Fortunately, Legal Counsel advised me to purchase some chloriseptic. Obviously, I was hesitant to buy and use anything with the word "septic" in its name. But I acquiesced, since Legal Counsel is smarter than me.

For those of you not in the medical profession, such as myself (at least I hope I am - I've been writing prescriptions for about three weeks), chloriseptic is a numbing throat spray. I must admit that I was initially excited. It was a blue spray. Of course I was going to pretend I was spraying Windex down my throat. I know you were all thinking the same thing. It's just too fun to pass up. And it numbs whatever it touches. That conjures visions of all sorts of shenanigans.

But all my mischief came to a crashing halt once I used it. The stuff is awful. The taste and smell of it make me want to spray it in D-Rock's eyes. More on that later. And it only lasts a few minutes, as Legal Counsel pointed out. I'm a simple enough creature that a few minutes is enough to make me forget my pain for hours (since I'll stop paying attention to it). But for higher life forms, it just isn't sufficient.

The taste and smell. Aah, the taste and smell. Smell is the strongest scent in your memory. And one whiff of this concoction whisked me back to my childhood. The days of my mother in nursing school. The days of her preserved anatomy cat. In the closet. Of our house. Haunting my nightmares. Chloriseptic smells exactly like that preserved cat. Not a pleasant thought when that analgesic mist is floating within your mouth. Dry heave.

That connection quickly gave way to a more recent memory. The taste and smell of chlorispetic exactly match the smell of the cadaver wetting solution in my anatomy lab. It gives me the jibblies. Not only that, but it was the same color too. The stuff I was spraying in my mouth matched every property of the stuff I use to keep my corpse from drying up. Or maybe the wetting solution is used to numb the cadavers so they don't feel what we're doing to them. Okay...that was an unsettling thought. I probably shouldn't have typed it.

On the plus side, I now know what to do if I ever get a sore throat in lab...

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome, Colan. Awesome!

-Larkin

10:51 AM  
Blogger Montgomery said...

I love you, Kyle.

8:26 PM  

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