Open Wide. Wider.
Engineers love Chipotle. Doesn't matter where you put it...
Wait. Eww. Let me start over.
As an undergrad, I developed a theory. A theory which I believe should be upgraded to postulate status (especially with the minor changes to be discussed later). My theory is that all engineers love Chipotle (the restaurant, not the chile - well, maybe the chile). It's a fact. They love the place. Go to any college campus with an engineering department and you'll find a Chipotle nearby. Engineers can eat Chipotle every day. I've seen it.
Whilst studying in the Optical Sciences building, we used to walk to Chipotle for lunch, on average, twice a week. Every time we went there, we'd see our professor eating that sweet ambrosia. For the sake of anonymity, let's just call him "Mike N."...no, wait - "M. Nofziger". That's better. He was an awesome professor. his lectures were fun and he is brilliant. He's a great professor and engineer. And he loves Chipotle.
Maybe he just went there every day we did. Maybe he saw us there and thought we ate Chipotle every day, too. Maybe the CIA invented Chipotle to win a bet with the FBI, who believed nothing could be more addictive than Crack (I believe "suburban crack" was the working name for Chipotle). Whatever the case, a swarm of engineering students and their professors would eat there almost every day. And thus a theory was born.
But I've recently discovered that my theory is insufficient. It's too narrow. It doesn't cover Chipotle's grip on society. First, i discovered that med students love it. We've had our free lunches catered by Chipotle. I see students there all the time. D-Rock's only friend is a Chipotle burrito named Esteban. Chipotle has a strangle hold on the stomachs of the medical community.
And it has even reached the world of law. The lovely Legal Counsel, who has the distinct honor of being the only person with the will power necessary to eat anything less than the full 1300 calorie monster, enjoys the joint. And the rest of the Scooby Gang cotton to it as well (law students all). Especially J-Bone and Soneera. You probably thought that lawyers only feed on blood and tears, didn't you? That's just for sustenance. For pleasure, they consume Chipotle. So now I see that Chipotle is flowing through the bloodstream of engineers, doctors andlawyers.
So my theory is going through a revision. Loving Chipotle is not just a requirement for being an engineer. In order to work or study in any professional* field, one must love Chipotle and be willing to eat it at least once a week. And the farther you get in your field, the more you must love Chipotle. Undergrads? Once a week. Bachelor's degree holders? Twice a week. Master's degree holders? Thrice a week. Doctors and Esquires? A whopping four times each week. Sorry folks, it's a requirement.
I'm not sure if being a professional makes you love Chipotle, or if loving Chipotle pushes you toward professional careers (maybe to pay for your addiction). Learning this would require further research. That is why I am asking you, Ladies and Gentlemen, for additional funding in order to continue my studies. Thank you for your time.
*professional careers: engineering, medicine, law, pharmacology, etc. Engineering and most fields requiring more than a BA/BS
--End Research Proposal--
Whenever I eat a Chipotle burrito I feel like a hamster eating one of those food pellets. And when the giant aliens conquer Earth and keep humans as pets, that's probably what they'll put in our food bowls. Just a big ol' pile of Chipotle burritos. Hopefully our water jug is full of Coke Zero. I can't wait.
My burrito has 60g of fat, and 1243 calories. How about yours?
Wait. Eww. Let me start over.
As an undergrad, I developed a theory. A theory which I believe should be upgraded to postulate status (especially with the minor changes to be discussed later). My theory is that all engineers love Chipotle (the restaurant, not the chile - well, maybe the chile). It's a fact. They love the place. Go to any college campus with an engineering department and you'll find a Chipotle nearby. Engineers can eat Chipotle every day. I've seen it.
Whilst studying in the Optical Sciences building, we used to walk to Chipotle for lunch, on average, twice a week. Every time we went there, we'd see our professor eating that sweet ambrosia. For the sake of anonymity, let's just call him "Mike N."...no, wait - "M. Nofziger". That's better. He was an awesome professor. his lectures were fun and he is brilliant. He's a great professor and engineer. And he loves Chipotle.
Maybe he just went there every day we did. Maybe he saw us there and thought we ate Chipotle every day, too. Maybe the CIA invented Chipotle to win a bet with the FBI, who believed nothing could be more addictive than Crack (I believe "suburban crack" was the working name for Chipotle). Whatever the case, a swarm of engineering students and their professors would eat there almost every day. And thus a theory was born.
But I've recently discovered that my theory is insufficient. It's too narrow. It doesn't cover Chipotle's grip on society. First, i discovered that med students love it. We've had our free lunches catered by Chipotle. I see students there all the time. D-Rock's only friend is a Chipotle burrito named Esteban. Chipotle has a strangle hold on the stomachs of the medical community.
And it has even reached the world of law. The lovely Legal Counsel, who has the distinct honor of being the only person with the will power necessary to eat anything less than the full 1300 calorie monster, enjoys the joint. And the rest of the Scooby Gang cotton to it as well (law students all). Especially J-Bone and Soneera. You probably thought that lawyers only feed on blood and tears, didn't you? That's just for sustenance. For pleasure, they consume Chipotle. So now I see that Chipotle is flowing through the bloodstream of engineers, doctors andlawyers.
So my theory is going through a revision. Loving Chipotle is not just a requirement for being an engineer. In order to work or study in any professional* field, one must love Chipotle and be willing to eat it at least once a week. And the farther you get in your field, the more you must love Chipotle. Undergrads? Once a week. Bachelor's degree holders? Twice a week. Master's degree holders? Thrice a week. Doctors and Esquires? A whopping four times each week. Sorry folks, it's a requirement.
I'm not sure if being a professional makes you love Chipotle, or if loving Chipotle pushes you toward professional careers (maybe to pay for your addiction). Learning this would require further research. That is why I am asking you, Ladies and Gentlemen, for additional funding in order to continue my studies. Thank you for your time.
*professional careers: engineering, medicine, law, pharmacology, etc. Engineering and most fields requiring more than a BA/BS
--End Research Proposal--
Whenever I eat a Chipotle burrito I feel like a hamster eating one of those food pellets. And when the giant aliens conquer Earth and keep humans as pets, that's probably what they'll put in our food bowls. Just a big ol' pile of Chipotle burritos. Hopefully our water jug is full of Coke Zero. I can't wait.
My burrito has 60g of fat, and 1243 calories. How about yours?
posted by Montgomery at 8:41 AM
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