Wax on, wax off
I'm going to level with you. I don't understand karate. At all. It just doesn't make sense to me. The two reasons usually given for its existence are self-defense and exercise. I really don't see either of those things happening.
Legal Counsel and I were walking through Park Mall and they had some "Active Kids" display. Mostly it was just an excuse to push RC cars, Lemonheads candy and Jack Daniels in the middle of the mall. But they also had kids showcasing karate moves in the middle of the booths. It was a very obviously choreographed display seeing as how the person on "defense" would throw a block and just wait for the other kid to attack it.
And that's the way I always see karate. Aside from movies, television and Chuck Norris, it is just people dancing around each other. The only way it would help is if your attacker has studied the same dance moves as you. I always imagine somebody in a fight taking a karate pose, then getting laughed at and clocked upside the head with a fist, bottle or Stanley Cup. But I'm a little biased towards good old fashioned street brawlin', a la Donald Gibb from Bloodsport
The main flaw in the self-defense plan is that you have to assume that the other person will follow the same rules as you. Unless you're attacked by a gang consisting of Ralph Maccio, Hilary Swank and Pat Morita, they're going to fight like normal people (and if Pat Morita is attacking you, you've got bigger problems - your best bet is to fake dead, like with a bear, and even that only works with him about 40% of the time). Nobody is going to confine their hits to certain areas, pull punches, shun weapons or keep their rabid lemurs on a leash. Your cross-block isn't going to stop somebody who isn't pulling their punches. And it certainly won't stop a lemur.
And I never see them dancing fast enough to get a workout. They just throw a little punch or kick, yell a little "K'yah" then go back to the "legs straddling an imaginary saddle" position. I drive by a dojo on a regular basis, where I catch glimpses of the routines. I also get stuck in traffic on a regular basis, where I get more prolonged views. And they never look like they're exercising. It just looks like half-assed fighting. I prefer fighting with my whole ass.
Another weird thing is that the students spend half their time learning to fall over. I'm always seeing one person throw a weak punch while the other fakes a fall, WWF style (not World Wildlife Federation). But I guess learning to fall without hurting yourself is important if you're using karate as self-defense.
Not all martial arts are bad. Well, they might be. But I haven't had the exposure to other forms necessary to judge those books by their covers. Except maybe capoeira. It looks a little too much like breakdance-fighting. It's another martial art that is more style than substance, and kinda makes you look like a jackass. Karate and capoeira both seem like you'll be adding insult to your own injury. Other martial arts might be okay. Kung Fu (Keanu style) is particularly good for battling computer programs. And that one where you act like a monkey seems pretty sweet.
One last thing: people who do learn martial arts, karate or otherwise, are so damn smug (usually - I'm basing this off of people I've met, which is admitedly a small sample). They always think they are such hardasses because they spent a sizeable portion of their life on a soft mat. They spent enough time and money (their money or their parents') to get a colored belt. Wow. I guess it gives you confidence and helps with intimidation, but seriosuly, it's not that great (unless you really study - under a master, dedicating years to it - so you actually can defend yourself...you probably have to go to Asia to be a real badass). Once you learn a martial art, it should be mandatory that you receive an ass-beating. Just to get rid of that arrogance.
On the plus side, it makes for some cool movies and fight scenes.
This post is subtitled, "Talking out of my ass about something I know little about." But I'm still right...
This post turned more rant-y than I expected. Oh, well.
Legal Counsel and I were walking through Park Mall and they had some "Active Kids" display. Mostly it was just an excuse to push RC cars, Lemonheads candy and Jack Daniels in the middle of the mall. But they also had kids showcasing karate moves in the middle of the booths. It was a very obviously choreographed display seeing as how the person on "defense" would throw a block and just wait for the other kid to attack it.
And that's the way I always see karate. Aside from movies, television and Chuck Norris, it is just people dancing around each other. The only way it would help is if your attacker has studied the same dance moves as you. I always imagine somebody in a fight taking a karate pose, then getting laughed at and clocked upside the head with a fist, bottle or Stanley Cup. But I'm a little biased towards good old fashioned street brawlin', a la Donald Gibb from Bloodsport
The main flaw in the self-defense plan is that you have to assume that the other person will follow the same rules as you. Unless you're attacked by a gang consisting of Ralph Maccio, Hilary Swank and Pat Morita, they're going to fight like normal people (and if Pat Morita is attacking you, you've got bigger problems - your best bet is to fake dead, like with a bear, and even that only works with him about 40% of the time). Nobody is going to confine their hits to certain areas, pull punches, shun weapons or keep their rabid lemurs on a leash. Your cross-block isn't going to stop somebody who isn't pulling their punches. And it certainly won't stop a lemur.
And I never see them dancing fast enough to get a workout. They just throw a little punch or kick, yell a little "K'yah" then go back to the "legs straddling an imaginary saddle" position. I drive by a dojo on a regular basis, where I catch glimpses of the routines. I also get stuck in traffic on a regular basis, where I get more prolonged views. And they never look like they're exercising. It just looks like half-assed fighting. I prefer fighting with my whole ass.
Another weird thing is that the students spend half their time learning to fall over. I'm always seeing one person throw a weak punch while the other fakes a fall, WWF style (not World Wildlife Federation). But I guess learning to fall without hurting yourself is important if you're using karate as self-defense.
Not all martial arts are bad. Well, they might be. But I haven't had the exposure to other forms necessary to judge those books by their covers. Except maybe capoeira. It looks a little too much like breakdance-fighting. It's another martial art that is more style than substance, and kinda makes you look like a jackass. Karate and capoeira both seem like you'll be adding insult to your own injury. Other martial arts might be okay. Kung Fu (Keanu style) is particularly good for battling computer programs. And that one where you act like a monkey seems pretty sweet.
One last thing: people who do learn martial arts, karate or otherwise, are so damn smug (usually - I'm basing this off of people I've met, which is admitedly a small sample). They always think they are such hardasses because they spent a sizeable portion of their life on a soft mat. They spent enough time and money (their money or their parents') to get a colored belt. Wow. I guess it gives you confidence and helps with intimidation, but seriosuly, it's not that great (unless you really study - under a master, dedicating years to it - so you actually can defend yourself...you probably have to go to Asia to be a real badass). Once you learn a martial art, it should be mandatory that you receive an ass-beating. Just to get rid of that arrogance.
On the plus side, it makes for some cool movies and fight scenes.
This post is subtitled, "Talking out of my ass about something I know little about." But I'm still right...
This post turned more rant-y than I expected. Oh, well.
posted by Montgomery at 8:14 AM
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