The stars at night, so big and bright...
*clap clap clap clap*
I'm back in class. And I'm tired. The strange thing is, I'm kind of glad to be back. The break was nice, don't get me wrong. I got to go to Disneyland (awesome) and I got an annual pass (totally awesome). Speaking of which, do you think those passes are still good if you get kicked out of the park for exposing yourself to Minnie Mouse? I'll probably be Disneyblogging sometime in the future. My psychiatrist says it is a good way for me to vent my "dangerously unhealthy obsession." Pssh, what does he know?
Speaking of blogging, I've been lagging in my duties. I apologize. Over break I wasn't in a writing mood and couldn't come up with material. And I've been using class time as nap time for the last 3 days. I dreamt I was a pirate sailing the seven seas, ransacking ships in my search for voltage-gated cardiac ion channels. Yarggh, they be critical for ye t' have normal cardiac output.
Since it's the beginning of the year, I'm still trying to figure out my professors. So far, they're pretty amusing. In one class, I have a semi-old lady who has a voice which sounds like she's constantly on the verge of tears. And yesterday she wore a tank top in a very cold classroom. And she doesn't believe in bras. Jibbly. In another class, I have a professor who says "mmmkay" to an absurd extent. Hereminds me of Mr. Mackey from South Park. Imagine "Drugs are bad, mmmkay" except in in fancy science talk. "10% of all diseases are purely genetic in origin, mmmkay." "These genes are passed on in a Mendelevian Fashion, mmmkay." "Mr. Montgomery, why do you keep giggling, mmmkay?"
My current favorite professor, however, comes from a third class. He has several reasons for being my academic bff. My fascination began with his first lecture, in which he constantly said "whoop" in a high pitched voice (a la Chris Berman) every time he made a mistake using Powerpoint. Which happened constantly. If I haven't informed you my humble readers of the following knowledge, you're getting it now: medical school professors have no idea how to use Powerpoint. They don't know how to go in slideshow mode, how to advance slides, how to go back a slide, how to make slides, how to use waterslides or how to do anything using a file with the extension ppt. It's hilariously sad. "Hi, I can slice open your chest and implant a new organ but I don't know how to right click. Let's get that anasthesia going..."
So his lecture went like this: "Let's go to the next slide to see the blood test results *whoop* too far *whoop* didn't go backwards *whoop* too far backwards." He makes learning fun!
Yesterday, though, he wasn't giving us a whoop whoop. It gave me a better chance to appreciate his next amusing quality - he has a Texan accent. Awesome. And even though it was a Texas accent, I still kept imagining him asking for a Mint Julep. Do Texans drink those? I also expected him to say things like "I may not be a big city doctor, but ..." and Flynnerson-style country expressions. "With a single amino acid substitution in position 163 of hemoglobin, boy I tell ya, that dog won't hunt." "If you've got four hemeglobin monomers connected, you've got your ducks bill-to-tail and oxygen can be carried in the blood normally"
So...it's impossible to take people with Southern accents seriously. You just can't do it. Try it, I dare you. Double dog dare. It's the equivalent of having a Valley Girl like totally lecture you on polymerase chain reactions. They can be the smartest person in the world, but nobody will listen. If Einstein was from Alabama, he'd just be forever remembered as "that bumpkin who thought he knew physics." But we would still have those funny posters where he's sticking out his tongue. Hilarious. On the other hand, some accents make you sound smarter. The two most obvious examples are English and German. The dumbest Brit will always sound smarter than the smartest Georgian (if they exist - burn).
On a related note, I love the new English Geico gecko. The best thing that Geico ad people have ever done is to give him a mysterious Cockney accent. He didn't have one before, but now it's magically there. Maybe he had one of those strokes that give you an accent. Whatever the cause, he is now smarter and funnier. This is the best thing to happen to Geico since Kanye West. Now I need to get Geico wit my money. London gecko - it's like pie and chips. you've got pie and you've got chips. What's not to love? If he had a Southern accent, I'd probably track him down and release a New Zealand Kingfisher on his ass. Then switch to Lloyds of London.
I'm all typed out. I'll try to be more on the ball with my writing in the future. It keeps me awake in class, which is nice. I have two options - get distracted and stay awake or pay attention and fall asleep. I'm probably learning the same amount either way. Unless I can convince my professors to speak with a german accent...
I'm back in class. And I'm tired. The strange thing is, I'm kind of glad to be back. The break was nice, don't get me wrong. I got to go to Disneyland (awesome) and I got an annual pass (totally awesome). Speaking of which, do you think those passes are still good if you get kicked out of the park for exposing yourself to Minnie Mouse? I'll probably be Disneyblogging sometime in the future. My psychiatrist says it is a good way for me to vent my "dangerously unhealthy obsession." Pssh, what does he know?
Speaking of blogging, I've been lagging in my duties. I apologize. Over break I wasn't in a writing mood and couldn't come up with material. And I've been using class time as nap time for the last 3 days. I dreamt I was a pirate sailing the seven seas, ransacking ships in my search for voltage-gated cardiac ion channels. Yarggh, they be critical for ye t' have normal cardiac output.
Since it's the beginning of the year, I'm still trying to figure out my professors. So far, they're pretty amusing. In one class, I have a semi-old lady who has a voice which sounds like she's constantly on the verge of tears. And yesterday she wore a tank top in a very cold classroom. And she doesn't believe in bras. Jibbly. In another class, I have a professor who says "mmmkay" to an absurd extent. Hereminds me of Mr. Mackey from South Park. Imagine "Drugs are bad, mmmkay" except in in fancy science talk. "10% of all diseases are purely genetic in origin, mmmkay." "These genes are passed on in a Mendelevian Fashion, mmmkay." "Mr. Montgomery, why do you keep giggling, mmmkay?"
My current favorite professor, however, comes from a third class. He has several reasons for being my academic bff. My fascination began with his first lecture, in which he constantly said "whoop" in a high pitched voice (a la Chris Berman) every time he made a mistake using Powerpoint. Which happened constantly. If I haven't informed you my humble readers of the following knowledge, you're getting it now: medical school professors have no idea how to use Powerpoint. They don't know how to go in slideshow mode, how to advance slides, how to go back a slide, how to make slides, how to use waterslides or how to do anything using a file with the extension ppt. It's hilariously sad. "Hi, I can slice open your chest and implant a new organ but I don't know how to right click. Let's get that anasthesia going..."
So his lecture went like this: "Let's go to the next slide to see the blood test results *whoop* too far *whoop* didn't go backwards *whoop* too far backwards." He makes learning fun!
Yesterday, though, he wasn't giving us a whoop whoop. It gave me a better chance to appreciate his next amusing quality - he has a Texan accent. Awesome. And even though it was a Texas accent, I still kept imagining him asking for a Mint Julep. Do Texans drink those? I also expected him to say things like "I may not be a big city doctor, but ..." and Flynnerson-style country expressions. "With a single amino acid substitution in position 163 of hemoglobin, boy I tell ya, that dog won't hunt." "If you've got four hemeglobin monomers connected, you've got your ducks bill-to-tail and oxygen can be carried in the blood normally"
So...it's impossible to take people with Southern accents seriously. You just can't do it. Try it, I dare you. Double dog dare. It's the equivalent of having a Valley Girl like totally lecture you on polymerase chain reactions. They can be the smartest person in the world, but nobody will listen. If Einstein was from Alabama, he'd just be forever remembered as "that bumpkin who thought he knew physics." But we would still have those funny posters where he's sticking out his tongue. Hilarious. On the other hand, some accents make you sound smarter. The two most obvious examples are English and German. The dumbest Brit will always sound smarter than the smartest Georgian (if they exist - burn).
On a related note, I love the new English Geico gecko. The best thing that Geico ad people have ever done is to give him a mysterious Cockney accent. He didn't have one before, but now it's magically there. Maybe he had one of those strokes that give you an accent. Whatever the cause, he is now smarter and funnier. This is the best thing to happen to Geico since Kanye West. Now I need to get Geico wit my money. London gecko - it's like pie and chips. you've got pie and you've got chips. What's not to love? If he had a Southern accent, I'd probably track him down and release a New Zealand Kingfisher on his ass. Then switch to Lloyds of London.
I'm all typed out. I'll try to be more on the ball with my writing in the future. It keeps me awake in class, which is nice. I have two options - get distracted and stay awake or pay attention and fall asleep. I'm probably learning the same amount either way. Unless I can convince my professors to speak with a german accent...
posted by Montgomery at 7:57 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home