The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face

I may not be special. I'm not rich. I wasn't valedictorian. I've never cured any diseases, held public office, broken any records (aside from the vinyl LP type), built a better mousetrap or gone on a cross-country killing spree. I'm just your average, every day, run-of-the-mill medical student with a bachelor's degree in Optical Sciences and Engineering (aka MSWABDIOSAE). You know, twelve for ten cents.

However, I would say that I have two traits that distinguish me from others. First, and this one I don't understand, I managed to snag the most beautiful, amazing woman on Earth. Legal Counsel has been by my side for a little over 10.5 months now. So I must have something going for me. And I think having her as my girlfriend puts me ahead of your typical MSWABDIOSAE.

My other distinguishing quality is my ability to make children happy. It's another thing I can't explain. Maybe it's because I'm at their maturity level and we think the same way. Or maybe I release some kind of baby pheromone, which would explain the hordes of babies which follow me around. Whatever the case, it works out well since they make me smile, too. Allow me to prove my point.

Case 1: Matthew
alias Matt-Matt
Age: a couple months

First, take a look at the "before Montgomery" picture:

Cute, sure, but that's not the point. Just look at him - confused, bored, maybe a little frightened. Stare into his wee, beady eyes - you can practically hear his thoughts:

Seriously? This is it? No, no. I mean, it's nice and all. Fresh air is cool. But it took a lot to get here and I'm a little underwhelmed. Try to see it from my perspective: I spent months developing primitive limb buds, allowed them to grow just so I could use apoptosis to break down the excess in order to shape them into appendages, then rotated those appendages into their final orientations; finally, I wait months so I can use them to claw my way to freedom. And this is what I get? I appreciate the space, but I was hoping for more. Not even one chocolate rainbow...

All in all, a pretty lugubrious baby. But put him in the hands of Montgomery and you get this:

Happiest. Baby. Ever. My work here is done.

Case 2: Joelean
alias Joe, alias The Terror, alias Joe-Joe the Monkey Girl
Age: 2?...3?

Ah, Joelean. Adorable but deadly. She's like the cutest tornado ever. But not always happy. Here's another before picture:

Chewing on a blanket, bottle in hand. A little cliche don't you think, Joelean? I'd describe her affect as somber, at best. But let's give her the slightest Montgomery contact. I'll just let her grab my thumbs. That's all. Just a thumb grab. And this is the result:

Tell me you've seen a happier monster. Go ahead, try. Liar...

Case 3: Taylor
alias Tayer, alias The Tucson Strangler
Age: almost 7

This one...was unfortunate. I tried playing with her, I really did. She climbed on my back and started referring to me as a horse. I requested for Legal Counsel to explain that I was in fact a human, which she did. At that point, Taylor offered a rebuttal by shouting, "PONIES DON'T TALK!" and strangling me. Here's photographic proof:

She was happy, but she was also in the process of murdering me. I fought her off gently at first, not wanting to injure her. But when she flatulated on my back, I was done. I wasn't sure how to shake her off at first. But then I remembered her weakness - she's a little girl. So her threw her across the room and that was that.

So there you have it. Three children, three smiles. I'm a child amusing machine. And if you think it's a cheap trick to use cute kid pictures to make a blog post fun...I agree. But you know you loved it.

Bonus
Here's a picture of how Legal Counsel handles children:

Shaking a baby? For shame...She might be beautiful, brilliant, funny, sweet, talented and damn near perfect, but she's a baby shaker. I guess she has to have one flaw. The picture has been cropped to preserve her anonymity, so the picture can't be used in court. But trust me, it's her.