Dawn of the (almost) Dead
Today was the day of the SBS midterm. The subject for this quarter was Psychopathology, aka Learning what is Wrong with your Friends and Family. It has been one of the more interesting things we’ve learned about in med school thus far. For me, it simultaneous created an interest in psychiatry and reminded me why I could never do it.
Because I didn’t start studying until yesterday, I decided to get up early this morning and do some last minute cramming. Evidently I can fit 4 full chocolate éclairs in my mouth. After the cramming I decided to do some studying, too.
At 6-0-something am, I drove to the Coffee X-Change on Campbell and Glenn. The reason for this is simple: having the internet is much too great of a distraction. I have absolutely no self control and an almost non-existent attention span. It was time to cut myself off from the world.
During my short drive, do you know what I saw? Old people. Lots and lots of old people. I thought I had died and gone to Sun City. I started thinking they had finally carried out their plans to enslave everybody under the age of 55, because you know they’re organizing. The official AARP objective is, “To talk about our bodily processes, to get Matlock on every channel and to maybe take over the world.
It was like an episode of the Twilight Zone. You know, the one where I’m the same but the rest of the world is different. Okay, so it was like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone…or a good episode of Outer Limits.
As soon as I got onto the street, I spotted them. Shambling along with that lifeless look in their eyes. Jaw slightly agape, spittle dripping from their lips. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought they were zombies. And I don’t know better, so I killed a couple. Don’t tell anybody, I’ll lay low until the heat dies down.
Then I got to the coffee shop and the place was infested. They need to put a bowl of hard candy on some sticky paper of something. That’ll thin out their ranks. There were belly-button high pants and dentures everywhere. One of the older gentlemen was talking rather loudly to his friends and anybody within 30 yards. His subjects included:
Basically, I just wanted to let you guys know that old people are only allowed to roam free during civil twilight. Then they're herded back into cages to resume the slow process of living decay. In fact, the National Audubon Society recommends the "wee hours of the morn'" as the best time to go Senior Citizen Watching. This morning I spotted my first Barrel-Chested Warbler! And I think I might have seen a Yellow-Throated Rambler, but that's probably just wishful thinking. You can go your whole life without seeing one of those. Curse you, Al Gore!
Because I didn’t start studying until yesterday, I decided to get up early this morning and do some last minute cramming. Evidently I can fit 4 full chocolate éclairs in my mouth. After the cramming I decided to do some studying, too.
At 6-0-something am, I drove to the Coffee X-Change on Campbell and Glenn. The reason for this is simple: having the internet is much too great of a distraction. I have absolutely no self control and an almost non-existent attention span. It was time to cut myself off from the world.
During my short drive, do you know what I saw? Old people. Lots and lots of old people. I thought I had died and gone to Sun City. I started thinking they had finally carried out their plans to enslave everybody under the age of 55, because you know they’re organizing. The official AARP objective is, “To talk about our bodily processes, to get Matlock on every channel and to maybe take over the world.
It was like an episode of the Twilight Zone. You know, the one where I’m the same but the rest of the world is different. Okay, so it was like a bad episode of the Twilight Zone…or a good episode of Outer Limits.
As soon as I got onto the street, I spotted them. Shambling along with that lifeless look in their eyes. Jaw slightly agape, spittle dripping from their lips. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought they were zombies. And I don’t know better, so I killed a couple. Don’t tell anybody, I’ll lay low until the heat dies down.
Then I got to the coffee shop and the place was infested. They need to put a bowl of hard candy on some sticky paper of something. That’ll thin out their ranks. There were belly-button high pants and dentures everywhere. One of the older gentlemen was talking rather loudly to his friends and anybody within 30 yards. His subjects included:
How long it takes him to read the newspaperThat last one is totally true and took me by surprise. It automatically gave him 50 cool points, promoting him to the rank of “Middle Age.” But it actually makes sense. Here's why:
How far he can walk
The color and texture of his sputum
Kids these days
Stargate SG-1
Matlock (Andy Griffith) was in Spy Hard with Taylor NegronWow, that was shorter than I expected. At least it gave me a chance to reference two semi-obscure spoof movies. Does anybody even remember Spy Hard? Ooh, how about Top Secret? That was a good'n. I'm getting off track...
Taylor Negron was in Young Doctors in Love with Richard Dean Anderson
Basically, I just wanted to let you guys know that old people are only allowed to roam free during civil twilight. Then they're herded back into cages to resume the slow process of living decay. In fact, the National Audubon Society recommends the "wee hours of the morn'" as the best time to go Senior Citizen Watching. This morning I spotted my first Barrel-Chested Warbler! And I think I might have seen a Yellow-Throated Rambler, but that's probably just wishful thinking. You can go your whole life without seeing one of those. Curse you, Al Gore!
posted by Montgomery at 8:52 PM
1 Comments:
Monty, I'm gone for almost a whole week--a WHOLE WEEK--and I come back to one post--ONE POST--sheesh! Nuts to your midterms, what about me, and my needs??
On a side note, I don't know your lab partner but I did start reading his blog after you posted a link, and he is collecting $$ for breast cancer research, so I encourage everyone to donate!
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