Go ahead, make your jokes, Mr. Jokey... Joke-maker
I think if most people who know me were asked to describe me, they'd probably start with "he's funny." I would disagree with that assessment - I simply say what's on my mind and people laugh at me. I'm like the sad clown; everybody's laughing except me. I kid, I kid. In my view I'm just a really weird guy, and I'm fortunate to be around people who find my bizarre behavior endearing rather than creepy. At least, more endearing than creepy. There's probably a mixture there.
So for most people, I'm the "funny guy." It's not a bad role to play. Sure it might be nice to be the "sexy guy" or the "smart guy," but it's a fair shake better than being the "ugly guy" or the "smelly guy" or the "dumb guy" or the "D-Rock," which is kind of a mixture of all three. Plus, being the funny guy means that if we're all transported to an alternate dimension populated by superheroes and villains, there's a good chance I'll turn into the Joker (in the case of a DC Universe) or Deadpool (in a Marvel Universe). but that goes without saying.
There is one major problem for me in being the funny guy: I don't know any jokes. I like to make smart-ass comments about the situations in which I find myself, but I don't really have any memorized jokes on hand. So when somebody approaches me and says, "I hear you're funny, tell me a joke," I usually have to respond with, "I hear you're smart, prove the Hodge Conjecture."
I do have a couple jokes I use on a regular basis. What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung. And the joke that made Legal Counsel fall in love with me: [curl and uncurl your fingers and thumb while moving your hand past somebody's face]What's this? A flock of these [repeat, but only with the index finger]
I think the first reason for my aversion to prefabricated jokes is bad memories of jokes as a kid. Back then you would get material primarily from 4 sources: paperback joke books, popsicle sticks, Laffy Taffy and that family member (usually an uncle or grandfather) who doesn't know what is appropriate for a kid. And while Crazy Uncle Carl's jokes were fun, the rest were horrible. Do you remember those jokes? They sucked! "What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music!" Hyar hyar hyar...I hate jokes.
The other reason for my lack of jokes is the lack of options in joke style. The most popular type seems to be the narrative joke. "Two guys walk into a _____...[dialogue]...[punchline]." Way too much work. I usually get about half-way into the joke before getting bored with it. So the joke usually ends up like this:
Our next option is knock-knock jokes, which to me are the pinnacle in modern comedy. Just check out the comments on Ah Jota's blog. Unfortunately, most people see Knockers (as we call them in the biz) as childish and immature. Well I've got a message for you. Knock knock? (who's there) Go to hell, jerk! I suppose I'll have to wait for comedy theorists to catch up to the glory of Knockers.
The last option is the question-and-answer joke. All of my standard jokes listed above are Q & A style, so I must like them. They're a little simple, but they work. "What do you call a rhino with multiple STDs? D-Rock's mom!" See, they're fun. But I've never bothered to memorize many of them. Feels to much like plagiarism, and I like to save my plagiarism for homework and scientific journals.
I think I'll just stick with my normal brand of comedy for now. 1) Somebody says or does something 2) I make a smart-ass sarcastic comment 3) Some people laugh, others don't 4) Somebody asks me to repeat that because they didn't hear. It's no longer funny, and I can't remember what I said anyway. I start crying and everybody's evening is ruined. Ta-da!
So for most people, I'm the "funny guy." It's not a bad role to play. Sure it might be nice to be the "sexy guy" or the "smart guy," but it's a fair shake better than being the "ugly guy" or the "smelly guy" or the "dumb guy" or the "D-Rock," which is kind of a mixture of all three. Plus, being the funny guy means that if we're all transported to an alternate dimension populated by superheroes and villains, there's a good chance I'll turn into the Joker (in the case of a DC Universe) or Deadpool (in a Marvel Universe). but that goes without saying.
There is one major problem for me in being the funny guy: I don't know any jokes. I like to make smart-ass comments about the situations in which I find myself, but I don't really have any memorized jokes on hand. So when somebody approaches me and says, "I hear you're funny, tell me a joke," I usually have to respond with, "I hear you're smart, prove the Hodge Conjecture."
I do have a couple jokes I use on a regular basis. What's brown and sticky? A stick. What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung. And the joke that made Legal Counsel fall in love with me: [curl and uncurl your fingers and thumb while moving your hand past somebody's face]What's this? A flock of these [repeat, but only with the index finger]
I think the first reason for my aversion to prefabricated jokes is bad memories of jokes as a kid. Back then you would get material primarily from 4 sources: paperback joke books, popsicle sticks, Laffy Taffy and that family member (usually an uncle or grandfather) who doesn't know what is appropriate for a kid. And while Crazy Uncle Carl's jokes were fun, the rest were horrible. Do you remember those jokes? They sucked! "What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap music!" Hyar hyar hyar...I hate jokes.
The other reason for my lack of jokes is the lack of options in joke style. The most popular type seems to be the narrative joke. "Two guys walk into a _____...[dialogue]...[punchline]." Way too much work. I usually get about half-way into the joke before getting bored with it. So the joke usually ends up like this:
Two guys are walking in the woods when one of the guys gets shot accidentally by a hunter wielding a Winchester Model 70 Bolt-Action Rifle. The other guy pulls out his GlobalStar GSP-1600 Satellite Phone and calls 911. The operator answers with, "911, what is your emergency?" The man says, "I think my friend is dead!" The operator replies...sigh...the operator replies, "poop fart." The endI also forgot to mention that I sell advertising space in my jokes.
Our next option is knock-knock jokes, which to me are the pinnacle in modern comedy. Just check out the comments on Ah Jota's blog. Unfortunately, most people see Knockers (as we call them in the biz) as childish and immature. Well I've got a message for you. Knock knock? (who's there) Go to hell, jerk! I suppose I'll have to wait for comedy theorists to catch up to the glory of Knockers.
The last option is the question-and-answer joke. All of my standard jokes listed above are Q & A style, so I must like them. They're a little simple, but they work. "What do you call a rhino with multiple STDs? D-Rock's mom!" See, they're fun. But I've never bothered to memorize many of them. Feels to much like plagiarism, and I like to save my plagiarism for homework and scientific journals.
I think I'll just stick with my normal brand of comedy for now. 1) Somebody says or does something 2) I make a smart-ass sarcastic comment 3) Some people laugh, others don't 4) Somebody asks me to repeat that because they didn't hear. It's no longer funny, and I can't remember what I said anyway. I start crying and everybody's evening is ruined. Ta-da!
posted by Montgomery at 8:18 AM
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