Verbal Assault

If you know me, you know that my favorite things to do are:

1. Keepin' it real
2. Chillaxin'
3. Kickin' it old school

And today I'd like to address number 3.

I'm a big fan of kickin' it old school; you know how I do. Ninja Turtles, Transformers, pogs - it's all good. As a subset of kickin' it old school, I also like bringin' things back from the old school.

In the past year or so, I've managed to bring a lot of things back from said old school. Shoe wedgies made a wicked comeback, until I nixed them in frustration. The hand circle game also reared its paranoia inducing head, only to be similarly nixed. And who can forget "that's what he/she said?" Round these parts, you can expect a "that's what she said" regardless of whether your comment involves any actual inuendo.

I've spearheaded all of these movements...maybe I shouldn't be advertising that fact. Anyway, I think it's time for me to add another long lost item to our ever growing repertoire. But I have to admit this one is a little evil.

This time around it's a phrase. But not just any phrase. It's an annoying phrase. One that's obnoxious enough to slightly enrage anyone it's directed toward. A set of words that can turn against you at a moment's notice. A verbal kick-in-the-balls.

You know what? Nevermind. I'm not sure if you guys can handle. I'm not even sure if I can handle it. It's too volatile. Forget I said anything.

What? You have to know? You're willing to give me $50 each if I tell you what I was thinking? Alright, I'll tell you. I take checks, money orders and cash. And gold krugerrands.

The phrase we need to bring back is, "let's not and say we did."

In case you have never heard this one, here's how it works:
Person A: You want to go try to figure out the D.B. Cooper case?
Person B: Let's not and say we did.
Person A: Jerk.

You see what I mean?? It's so repugnant, but simultaneously slightly funny. It's aggravating and condescending, but just a little amusing. I might say it was smarmy, but I don't know what smarmy means.

If the target has a good sense of humor, they might laugh as they call you a jerk. If they don't have a sense of humor, they might stab you with a spork...possibly a knork. If they're really mad, you might get a splayd in the eye.

So be careful with it. It's like a water balloon full of hydrochloric acid: effective in the hands of somebody who knows what they're doing, but dangerous to the inexperienced user.

I'll start things off.
Montgomery: Hey gang, let's bring back the phrase "let's not and say we did."
Roadies*: Let's not and say we did.
Montgomery: You jerks! I'll cut you! I'll cut all of you!


* I'm thinking of calling my readers, "roadies." Other options: Road Warriors and Roadodendrons. But you might not be cool enough for those. Or too cool, I'm not sure.