Return of the Living Dead

Man, you guys are vicious. What kind of world do we live in where a guy can't disappear for over a month, unannounced and unexplained, without getting eTarred and eFeathered. I'm not a role model!

But seriously folks, I'm sorry for my absence. Things kind of got crazy in non-blog world, aka the real world. But I'm back from my hiatus and ready to go. I hope. I'll try to be better.

Right now I'm reporting live from Phoenix, aka The Devil's Taint. If it wasn't for my family and Legal Counsel's job, there would be no reason to live here. It's like a more crowded, hotter, franchise-riddled version of Tucson that's constantly under construction. But at least it's 2 hours closer to Disneyland.

Here's a quick rundown of things that have happened since my last post:

• I kicked the USMLE Step 1 square in the ass
• I attended a wedding for people I had never met. I'm going to just go ahead and count that as a Wedding Crash, even if it was Legal Counsel's family.
• I went to Universal Studios and rode Back to the Future The Ride one last time before it closes. I'd be sad, but I'm sure Christopher Lloyd and Michael J Fox will show up just in time to save it. Well, maybe Michael J Fox will show up alone and save the ride and Christopher Lloyd's career at the same time. I love that guy, why isn't he in more movies?
• I went on a sweet-ass road trip to Las Vegas with Larkitect. Let me tell you, he puts the "sweet-ass" in "sweet-ass road trip." I'd tell you more, but what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Except HPV - sorry, pal.
• I've assisted on about 10 c-sections. FYI, in medical student lingo "assisted" means "observed while trying to stay out of the way and not do too much damage." I did get to suture once, which was fun. Fun for me, not for that poor woman. Yikes.
• Delivered three babies, and watched another 3 or 4 being delivered.
• Watched an episiotomy for the first time, which I was subsequently instructed to repair. My advice to you all: avoid teaching hospitals like the plague. Unless you have the plague, in which case you should go to one. It would be a good teaching experience.
• Performed several pelvics, many prenatal exams, and observed a colposcopy.

If you couldn't tell, my first rotation is in OB/GYN. I don't do this stuff recreationally...anymore. It's pretty crazy, but a lot more fun and a lot less awkward than I expected. Mostly I'm just glad to be in the real world.

The weirdest part about OB/GYN is that there are about a dozen babies out there who's first view of the world included my face. And that is terrifying. Those poor little babies. Not a good way to start your life. No sir...

I'd write more about my experiences, but I'm sure it would all be completely inappropriate. And we all know how blogging about real world medical experiences can come back and bite you on the ass. Plus, I try to use this monstrosity as an excuse for creative writing rather than real-world chronicling, which might become increasingly difficult as my clerkships encompass me like a brain cloud.

That's all for now. I'm post-call and my brain is still a little fuzzy. I'll try to come up with something worth reading ASAP.