Hail to the Chief

Well it's official: America has its first halfrican american president. Pretty cool, eh? To get you, my faithful readers, prepared for the next 4+ years, here's the rundown of our soon-to-be 44th president.

Barack Hussein Obama

Nickname(s): B-Rock, "The Alabama Slamma" (unknown origin)
Height: 6'4"
Weight: 347lbs (including fully robotic left leg)
Catchphrase(s): "...change...," "Who wants toast?," "I smell a rascal"
Hobbies: basketball, playing with children, murder
Kill count: 135
Weapon of choice: wakizashi
Firearm of choice: 1999 HK SL8
Finishing move: Redistribution of Health
Favorite Pastry: gougère
Favorite TV show: The Lone Gunmen
Favorite movie: Battleship Potemkin
Favorite Song: "Pretty Girls Everywhere" by Eugene Church and The Fellows
Favorite color: 473nm
Personal Hero: General Ambrose Everett Burnside
Greatest fear: dwarves
Superpower(s): shapeshifting
Weakness: pennies

All in all, not a bad choice. He's a pretty formidable opponent, even for Cristina Elizabeth Fernández de Kirchner (5'1", 115lbs, power of pyrokinesis, diamond-strength skin). Although McCain wasn't half bad either. Check it out.

John Hussein McCain

Nickname(s): Jack, Lord Feltingsworth, "The Thunder from Down Under" (unknown origin)
Height: 5'3"
Weight: 32lbs (body is completely hollow)
Catchphrase(s): "My friends" "McCain hungry" "I'm going to open an hermetically sealed container of processed assault & battery"
Hobbies: uprooting trees, not dying, murder
Kill count: 1,045
Weapon of choice: bamboo spear
Firearm of choice: 1982 Colt Python with custom extended barrel and scope
Finishing move: The POW
Favorite Pastry: eclair
Favorite TV show: Jackass
Favorite movie: 9 1/2 Weeks
Favorite Song: "100 miles and Runnin'" By NWA
Favorite color: taupe
Personal Hero: Warwick Davis
Greatest fear: the reaper
Superpower(s): invisibility, flight
Weakness: the sun

When you compare the two like that it kind of makes me wish things had been settled by steel cage death match. Like in 1852 when Franklin Pierce snapped the neck of Winfield Scott. Now that's democracy in action!