She's got me spending...
Every few years a song comes along that alters the pathways in your brain. A song so ridiculous, you don't know what to do. A lyrical paradox. Simultaneously brilliant and ridiculous, fun and depressing, art and...not art. With lyrics so asinine you want to vomit while singing along. Tunes currently being studied to determine if they cause aneurisms, impotence or super-powers. To crazy to ignore - You don't want to listen, but you most. A siren song of absurdity so enthralling that you can't change the radio dial, inevitably leading to your own insanity. And the most recent euphonic oxymoron to make its way to the canon: a song by the Black-Eyed Peas entitled...sigh...My Humps.
Most of the song consists of Fergie saying, "My hump" repeatedly. I'd guesstimate about ten times in a row. It grows old quickly while growing on you. So at about "my hump" number 5, you're sick of hearing it but you're singing along. And I can't figure out to what she is referring, but I have three theories. Theory the first: she is referring to her breasts. This is supported by what she says after "my hump" #10 - "my lovely little/lady lumps." Yes, I know it's ridiculous. But I also know you love it. But saying "humps" and "lumps" would imply small breasts, which she shouldn't brag about. Theory the second: she is singing about the verb, actually implying "humping." This is just filthy and I'll have none of it. Theory C: she is a hunchback with great self-esteem.
The next wacky aspect is Will.i.am's melodic pickup lines. In addition to admitting that Fergie has him "spending all [his] money," he sings the following questions/compliments(?):
As flattering as those questions are, they really don't work in clubs. Trust me. And I thought "junk in the trunk" was in reference to a big ass. Why the redundancy, Will.i.am? And why is breast singular? Did Fergie get a radical mastectomy? Or does she just have one "super boob" in the middle of her chest? So many questions, so little time. If you're curious, her responses are: "get you love drunk off my hump," "make you scream," and "make you work," respectively. And getting somebody drunk off your hump is just a whole new set of questions. My head is going to asplode right here in class.
At one point she talks about "Se7en Jeans." I got that spelling from a lyrics website. Are the jeans named after the Brad Pitt/Morgan Freeman movie Se7en? If so, that's fucked up.
Fergie later requests that somebody "mix [their] milk with [her] cocoa puff...milky, milky cocoa." I don't know what that means! But the one idea I have is rather dirty. And illegal in 11 states (with an additional 4 states making same-sex milk/cocoa-puff mixing illegal until Lawrence v. Texas 2003). Even worse than the innuendo is the product placement. Black-eyed Peas, you sold out. Why not, "mix your milk with my chocolate-flavored puffed-grain cereal?" On a side note: I really don't understand anti-cocoa puff legislation.
I just touched the tip of the "My Hump" iceberg. You should give the lyrics a read sometime. On second thought, don't. If you're reading this, you're probably cool. And I don't want your brain to melt and slide out your nose. Except you, Saul. Go ahead and read. You've got nothing to worry about.
Most of the song consists of Fergie saying, "My hump" repeatedly. I'd guesstimate about ten times in a row. It grows old quickly while growing on you. So at about "my hump" number 5, you're sick of hearing it but you're singing along. And I can't figure out to what she is referring, but I have three theories. Theory the first: she is referring to her breasts. This is supported by what she says after "my hump" #10 - "my lovely little/lady lumps." Yes, I know it's ridiculous. But I also know you love it. But saying "humps" and "lumps" would imply small breasts, which she shouldn't brag about. Theory the second: she is singing about the verb, actually implying "humping." This is just filthy and I'll have none of it. Theory C: she is a hunchback with great self-esteem.
The next wacky aspect is Will.i.am's melodic pickup lines. In addition to admitting that Fergie has him "spending all [his] money," he sings the following questions/compliments(?):
What you gon’ do with all that junk? All that junk inside that trunk?
What you gon’ do with all that ass? All that ass inside them jeans?
What you gon’ do with all that breast? All that breast inside that shirt?
As flattering as those questions are, they really don't work in clubs. Trust me. And I thought "junk in the trunk" was in reference to a big ass. Why the redundancy, Will.i.am? And why is breast singular? Did Fergie get a radical mastectomy? Or does she just have one "super boob" in the middle of her chest? So many questions, so little time. If you're curious, her responses are: "get you love drunk off my hump," "make you scream," and "make you work," respectively. And getting somebody drunk off your hump is just a whole new set of questions. My head is going to asplode right here in class.
At one point she talks about "Se7en Jeans." I got that spelling from a lyrics website. Are the jeans named after the Brad Pitt/Morgan Freeman movie Se7en? If so, that's fucked up.
Fergie later requests that somebody "mix [their] milk with [her] cocoa puff...milky, milky cocoa." I don't know what that means! But the one idea I have is rather dirty. And illegal in 11 states (with an additional 4 states making same-sex milk/cocoa-puff mixing illegal until Lawrence v. Texas 2003). Even worse than the innuendo is the product placement. Black-eyed Peas, you sold out. Why not, "mix your milk with my chocolate-flavored puffed-grain cereal?" On a side note: I really don't understand anti-cocoa puff legislation.
I just touched the tip of the "My Hump" iceberg. You should give the lyrics a read sometime. On second thought, don't. If you're reading this, you're probably cool. And I don't want your brain to melt and slide out your nose. Except you, Saul. Go ahead and read. You've got nothing to worry about.
posted by Montgomery at 8:41 AM
4 Comments:
Absolutely brilliant. Major props for a blog entry that combines the super boob, Se7en, and Lawrence v. Texas
Well, thank you. But I can't take full credit - The Black-Eyed Peas did most of the work. And of course I have to represent the law - I am a law groupie, after all. I also have to represent super boobs because if I don't, who will?
I read it, and now I've got some odd ooze dripping from my nose. Hold me, I'm scared.
And what's the deal with the word verification? You don't want/need any more loans?
I wish I could hold you. But you left me. *Tear* When will you come back to Tucson? And that ooze is probably pure sexy leaving your body.
Yeah, I gave up on loans. Too many creditors, repo men and mob threats. Why, do you want to give me money?
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