"Ohana" means "family"
Last week, my old khaver Saul keyed me in to a smokin' deal. Airfare and 2 nights hotel stay in Hawaii for only $194 from NWA (that's Northwest Airlines, not the rap group). It was one of those situations where they don't realize how quickly people will abuse a good deal. $200 off hotel, $200 off flight meant people were booking short trips for extra low prices. Double the discount if Legal Counsel and I booked separate. Which means it would be cheaper for us to get two rooms than just one. We were ready to spring. Break away from the mainland, as it were.
But they realized their folly. Now the deal requires 2 people and 4 nights, minimum. Damn. And I read some people saying they cancelled reservations made before the change. Obviously NWA has never heard of the "No Takesies-Backsies" rule. Legal Counsel, please fax them a copy of the landmark cases "Finders v. Keepers" and "Snoozers v. Loosers," where it was found that Finders were actually Keepers and Snoozers were in fact the real Loosers. The Supreme Court has repeatedly sided in favor of Finders (us) and against Snoozers (them). Northwest Airlines - expect to receive an impolite letter and some poorly baked cookies in the future.
But the damage has been done. I am now infected with the vacation bug. No, that doesn't mean chlamydia. But I have that, too. No, I want to escape the continental United States for Spring Break. Hawaii is still pretty high on the list. Neither Legal Counsel nor Montgomery have been there. Well, I haven't been there without the sole purpose of smuggling pure cane sugar in small balloons into Arizona.
Hawaii has certain perks. Driving around solving crimes, maybe with the help of my partner Higgins. Small blue aliens. Volcanoes. But Hawaii also has its downsides. Ancient taboo idols that would make me almost drown while surfing. Weird strings of events leading me to jump over a shark on skis while wearing a leather jacket. Anterograde amnesiac Drew Barrymore. Did I mention that my entire Hawaii knowledge base comes from television and movies?
Another option is a cruise. Baja Cruises from The Angeles are relatively cheap and again, neither of us has been on one. It sounds like a good deal - free food, free entertainment, Free Willy. We could ride the Pacific Princess with Captain Stubing! I'd love to meet all those celebrities - maybe even Dr. Drew. Then again, Legal Counsel and I would probably have to stop the plot of some creepy leach guy with the help of Sandra Bullock. I really should do more than watch TV and movies...
Our last thought is Europe. No, that doesn't mean we'll be following the band on tour. Although I do love "The Final Countdown." No, I'm talking Old World style Europe. I found a 3 night hotel/airfare/car deal for Ireland for $400. Pretty sweet deal, and we've never been there either. And I could use the line "You must be Irish, because my penis is Dublin." I'm a class act. The main problem with this idea is that it only flies out of New York. With that high price ticket, we'd probably have to hitch across the states, which would be an adventure on its own. Hitch-hiking is always a good idea.
Actually, trips to anywhere in Europe are roughly the same price, with similar dangers. Dublin (Banshees), London (Werewolves), Rome (Vampires), Paris (French People). All roughly the same price. To save money, we could stay at a hostel...Jibbly. That movie ruined the whole idea of European hostels. Or made them better! Free S&M? Sign me up!
So we've got a world of possibilities. Literally. I'm not sure where we'll end up. But I probably won't be able to use my favorite tactic of waiting till the last minute. Although there are some sweet last minute deals. I'll probably just end up knocking on Europe's door at 3am asking for a place to stay, then mooching for a week. If there's one thing I know, it's that Europeans love Americans...
But they realized their folly. Now the deal requires 2 people and 4 nights, minimum. Damn. And I read some people saying they cancelled reservations made before the change. Obviously NWA has never heard of the "No Takesies-Backsies" rule. Legal Counsel, please fax them a copy of the landmark cases "Finders v. Keepers" and "Snoozers v. Loosers," where it was found that Finders were actually Keepers and Snoozers were in fact the real Loosers. The Supreme Court has repeatedly sided in favor of Finders (us) and against Snoozers (them). Northwest Airlines - expect to receive an impolite letter and some poorly baked cookies in the future.
But the damage has been done. I am now infected with the vacation bug. No, that doesn't mean chlamydia. But I have that, too. No, I want to escape the continental United States for Spring Break. Hawaii is still pretty high on the list. Neither Legal Counsel nor Montgomery have been there. Well, I haven't been there without the sole purpose of smuggling pure cane sugar in small balloons into Arizona.
Hawaii has certain perks. Driving around solving crimes, maybe with the help of my partner Higgins. Small blue aliens. Volcanoes. But Hawaii also has its downsides. Ancient taboo idols that would make me almost drown while surfing. Weird strings of events leading me to jump over a shark on skis while wearing a leather jacket. Anterograde amnesiac Drew Barrymore. Did I mention that my entire Hawaii knowledge base comes from television and movies?
Another option is a cruise. Baja Cruises from The Angeles are relatively cheap and again, neither of us has been on one. It sounds like a good deal - free food, free entertainment, Free Willy. We could ride the Pacific Princess with Captain Stubing! I'd love to meet all those celebrities - maybe even Dr. Drew. Then again, Legal Counsel and I would probably have to stop the plot of some creepy leach guy with the help of Sandra Bullock. I really should do more than watch TV and movies...
Our last thought is Europe. No, that doesn't mean we'll be following the band on tour. Although I do love "The Final Countdown." No, I'm talking Old World style Europe. I found a 3 night hotel/airfare/car deal for Ireland for $400. Pretty sweet deal, and we've never been there either. And I could use the line "You must be Irish, because my penis is Dublin." I'm a class act. The main problem with this idea is that it only flies out of New York. With that high price ticket, we'd probably have to hitch across the states, which would be an adventure on its own. Hitch-hiking is always a good idea.
Actually, trips to anywhere in Europe are roughly the same price, with similar dangers. Dublin (Banshees), London (Werewolves), Rome (Vampires), Paris (French People). All roughly the same price. To save money, we could stay at a hostel...Jibbly. That movie ruined the whole idea of European hostels. Or made them better! Free S&M? Sign me up!
So we've got a world of possibilities. Literally. I'm not sure where we'll end up. But I probably won't be able to use my favorite tactic of waiting till the last minute. Although there are some sweet last minute deals. I'll probably just end up knocking on Europe's door at 3am asking for a place to stay, then mooching for a week. If there's one thing I know, it's that Europeans love Americans...
posted by Montgomery at 9:03 AM
1 Comments:
You gotta pull the trigger fast on those crazy mistake airfares cause they catch on fast. Regardless, the hotel for that price apparently is known for prostitutes in the lobby. (If you had wanted to go the first week in March, it was only $93 total. I'd "put up" with prostitutes in the lobby for that price.)
You should be able to get to NYC for about $250 r/t to get the "cheap" flights to Europe. But have you ever been to Boston? You can get to Providence from as low as $85 to 200 roundtrip from Phoenix. Now that's cheap. You can't even fly to Vegas for that amount...
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