Because nobody ever suspects the butterfly
I've got midterms starting one week from today. How did I prepare this weekend? The same way any med student would - by going to see 'Butterfly Magic' at the Tucson Botanical Gardens. Before you ask: no, I didn't see Amy Smart, Ashton Kutcher or that dude from Boy Meets World.
The first rule of 'Butterfly Magic' is that you don't take butterflies out of their sealed environment. It is a federal offense. They had guys with M-16s standing by the entrance and exit...waiting. Some dude tried to run out with a butterfly smuggled in his mouth. I think he's in Gitmo now.
We saw another butterfly in the airlock-style entrance area about to fly out the door. Legal Counsel spotted it and told the guard. He got one of the guests to use the comically oversized butterfly net to catch it and put it back home. Home in this case is used to refer to an artificial environment designed to house the kidnapped butterflies. As it was being returned, I saw the little flyer make the "knife across throat" gesture at Legal Counsel. It was both creepy and majestic.
Why can't you let the butterflies go? Because they aren't native to Arizona. It's bad to introduce a new species to an environment (see Australia for an example). We're ignoring the fact that butterflies would probably burst into flame upon contact with Arizona's hot, dry air. I'd actually like to see that. If they did survive, they'd reproduce with no natural predators and take over. I learned that in BIO182. They'd multiply and take over the whole sonoran desert. Imagine a Hitchcockian world ruled by evil butterflies. Eating all our crops, flapping in our hair, sucking the juice from our eyes and causing millions of tornados in Japan. It's terrifying.
That might be the reason for Legal Counsel's tone for the rest of our time there: fear. That's right, She's afraid of butterflies. The most delicate of all nature's creations. You're not allowed to touch them because it would destroy their wings. They have no feeding parts at this stage in life. If the Family Feud had a category of "Name an insect or animal that isn't frightening at all," butterflies would be the number one answer with 95 people choosing it. Number two (with 4 votes) would be bunny rabbits, because people have no idea. Third (with 1 vote) would be lions, because they interviewed a smartass.
So we were in the fake environment and every time one of god's Wimps would fly by, Legal Counsel would duck out of the way. She's adorable. She would also tense up whenever she saw one. Unfortunately, she was holding my hand. She broke three metacarpals and my scaphoid. Although it might have been a butterfly. Evil little bastards.
The only one actually worthy of fear was the Atlas Moth. It scared the bejeezus out of my. It was as big as a baby...elephant. Yes, as big as a baby elephant. It had fuzzy little antennae and a wingspan rivaling my own. It could probably have picked me up and carried me to its lair. Good thing I killed it before it could kill me. I knew I brought a flame thrower for a reason.
Here's the crazy thing, though. She's afraid of butterflies but she isn't afraid of bees. As we toured the rest of the gardens, there were bees around various plants. She'd squeal, "Ooh, bees!" then run towards the deadly little insects and play with them. Okay, it wasn't like that. But it was close. There was much less fear in her eyes when bees were around as compared to butterflies. So if we're attacked by bees, she's on defense. If we're attacked by butterflies, I got that shit under control.
Later that day, I really got down to test prep...by watching MTV's "True Life: I'm a professional eater." It was disgustingly impressive. Maybe I'll blog about that in the future. I can even discuss my 13.5 pancake eating experience. For now, I'll just say that I really want this shirt.
The first rule of 'Butterfly Magic' is that you don't take butterflies out of their sealed environment. It is a federal offense. They had guys with M-16s standing by the entrance and exit...waiting. Some dude tried to run out with a butterfly smuggled in his mouth. I think he's in Gitmo now.
We saw another butterfly in the airlock-style entrance area about to fly out the door. Legal Counsel spotted it and told the guard. He got one of the guests to use the comically oversized butterfly net to catch it and put it back home. Home in this case is used to refer to an artificial environment designed to house the kidnapped butterflies. As it was being returned, I saw the little flyer make the "knife across throat" gesture at Legal Counsel. It was both creepy and majestic.
Why can't you let the butterflies go? Because they aren't native to Arizona. It's bad to introduce a new species to an environment (see Australia for an example). We're ignoring the fact that butterflies would probably burst into flame upon contact with Arizona's hot, dry air. I'd actually like to see that. If they did survive, they'd reproduce with no natural predators and take over. I learned that in BIO182. They'd multiply and take over the whole sonoran desert. Imagine a Hitchcockian world ruled by evil butterflies. Eating all our crops, flapping in our hair, sucking the juice from our eyes and causing millions of tornados in Japan. It's terrifying.
That might be the reason for Legal Counsel's tone for the rest of our time there: fear. That's right, She's afraid of butterflies. The most delicate of all nature's creations. You're not allowed to touch them because it would destroy their wings. They have no feeding parts at this stage in life. If the Family Feud had a category of "Name an insect or animal that isn't frightening at all," butterflies would be the number one answer with 95 people choosing it. Number two (with 4 votes) would be bunny rabbits, because people have no idea. Third (with 1 vote) would be lions, because they interviewed a smartass.
So we were in the fake environment and every time one of god's Wimps would fly by, Legal Counsel would duck out of the way. She's adorable. She would also tense up whenever she saw one. Unfortunately, she was holding my hand. She broke three metacarpals and my scaphoid. Although it might have been a butterfly. Evil little bastards.
The only one actually worthy of fear was the Atlas Moth. It scared the bejeezus out of my. It was as big as a baby...elephant. Yes, as big as a baby elephant. It had fuzzy little antennae and a wingspan rivaling my own. It could probably have picked me up and carried me to its lair. Good thing I killed it before it could kill me. I knew I brought a flame thrower for a reason.
Here's the crazy thing, though. She's afraid of butterflies but she isn't afraid of bees. As we toured the rest of the gardens, there were bees around various plants. She'd squeal, "Ooh, bees!" then run towards the deadly little insects and play with them. Okay, it wasn't like that. But it was close. There was much less fear in her eyes when bees were around as compared to butterflies. So if we're attacked by bees, she's on defense. If we're attacked by butterflies, I got that shit under control.
Later that day, I really got down to test prep...by watching MTV's "True Life: I'm a professional eater." It was disgustingly impressive. Maybe I'll blog about that in the future. I can even discuss my 13.5 pancake eating experience. For now, I'll just say that I really want this shirt.
posted by Montgomery at 9:14 AM
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