From Russia with Vampires

Well, in Amsterdam, you can buy beer in a movie theatre. And I don't mean in a paper cup either. They give you a glass of beer, like in a bar.

-Vincent Vega, Pulp Fiction
aka Scientology Loon John Travolta

Last night the beautiful, brilliant Legal Counsel and I went to see Night Watch at The Loft. Before I discuss that, I should describe the preceeding events.

She and I met up with her step-brother and his girlfriend. It was extremely awkward. I hate to stereotype people, but all frat guys are the same. We met them at Kababeque (delicious), and they looked totally bewildered regarding Indian food. I was half expecting him to ask if anything on the menu is edible. (how do you half expect something?). The food was delicious, as usual. The conversation left a little to be desired. A lot to be desired. Everything to be desired.

Basically, it was an hour of listening to the greeks talk about drinking. Who drinks. What they drink. Where they buy drinks. Where they do the drinking. When they drink. Why they drink. How much they drink. The cost of drinks. The method of distributing drinks. Drinking laws. Getting to drinks. Getting home from drinks. People who help them drink. Drinking records. Drinking and school. Drinking games. Re-read this paragraph continuously for an hour and you'll have an idea of what it was like.

I've never had less to contribute to a conversation. Ever. I don't spend all my free time drinking, so it was tough to relate. I drink as a side-note to doing more interesting things. Which apparently isn't an option in Missouri, according to them. They said there's nothing to do. I found that hard to believe. At the very least, you can go out and shoot cans. While drinking. That's always a good idea.

The few times Legal counsel left the table, he'd stop discussing alcohol. I tried to initiate conversation, honest I did. But he'd just give me straight answers with no elaboration. "Yes" "no" "alcohol" "manager" "alcohol" "alcohol." It was so uncomfortable. It was the opposite of her actual family.

Once we were done, and my consciousness drifted back to my body from the Astral Plane, I decided to drag her somewhere else. The Loft theatre. If you don't know, it's the "Indy" theatre in Tucson. Every town has one. They play Indy movies, foreign movies, Brokeback Mountain before the mainstream catches on, cult movies, Rocky Horror Picture Show every week, the dirtiest kind of porno, etc. It's cheap and fun...like D-Rock's mom. Kelly Ripa!

I really like it. It gives me a chance to see movies I normally wouldn't get. I saw Brokeback there. I saw Bubba Ho-Tep there. I saw The Man with the Screaming Brain there. Now that I think about it, pretty much any Bruce Campbell movie will play there. I also saw Monty Python and the Holy Grail there. With Bear. and Schaner...jibbly.

One of their more recent developments is the serving of spiritous beverages. Wine and beer, mostly. I'll admit that I'm not a huge beer fan (not: a huge man who likes beer, a man who likes huge beer or an active fan of beer). But the fact that it's at a movie theatre just makes me want to order it. It's so novel! My drive to try new things will get me in trouble one of these days. Good thing I'm Above the Influence™, otherwise I might shoot my friend, lose my sister and forget grandma's birthday.

The movie of choice this week was a Russian horror/action film called Night Watch, aka Communist Unerworld. It takes place in contemprorary Moscow. Among humans there are people with super powers, which take a multitude of forms - shapeshifters, warlocks, seers, vampires, etc. But no zombies...damn it. It's a really cool idea and a good movie, too. But I imagine the books to be better. Too bad I don't speak Russian. At least that's what the NSA told me to say.

The film style was a little hectic. Dark and lots of cuts. Kind of hard to follow, especially whilst reading the subtitles. Speaking of the subtitles, they did an awesome job with them. They would change the shape, color and placement depending on the situation. Shouting made them larger. A vampire using "the calling" made them red. Magic blasts would spread them over the screen. Objects moving in the foreground might wipe them away. Really cool.

While we're grazing the subject, I'd like to express my opinion regarding vampires vs. werewolves. I'll be honest - I'd rather be a werewolf. Vampires have cool powers, but they've also got a hunger for blood, a sunlight intolerance and (depending on the mythos) hatred for delicious garlic and crosses. Seriously - two crossed pieces of wood can stop them. How weak is that? Werewolves, on the other hand, get equally cool powers AND relatively normal lives. Plus, they get to cut loose from time to time, unlike those vampires always dwelling in secrecy. I'm talking about Underworld/Teen Wolf/Teen Wolf 2 werewolves mind you, not those crappy American Werewolf in London werewolves. That would just suck. Although it would also suck to be a Nosferatu style fangface. Choosing between those two...I'd still go werewolf. You just get a crazy night out once a month, and who doesn't want that? Anybody who even thinks about mentioning Cursed gets a kick in the grill. Damn, I just mentioned it...ow.

After the movie, we rushed home for Top Chef. It's the culinary equivalent of Project Runway. Not quite as cool, though. Especially because chefs are all arrogant pricks. Some are okay. Here's my quick rundown of the high/lowlights:
I want Miguel to win...he might have Trisomy 21
Tiffani should lose...soon
Stephen needs to have his liver eaten by eagles for all eternity...Prometheus style
Dave is in a constant state of suffering. I just feel bad for him
Ken should come back
That is all...for now

I feel like this post was really boring. To spice things up, I give to you: A Monkey Knife Fight!