Turnaround, Bright Eyes
Reason I love Legal Counsel #10,486: she's willing to do crazy, unexpected things with me at a moment's notice.
Reason I love Legal Counsel #1,955: she knows exactly how to cheer me up.
Last week I was feeling blah. No reason, just blah. Legal Counsel, being the loving GF that she is, suggested that we go to Disneyland. Sweet! So my eyes lit up like a deer in headlights...wait, that's not a good analogy. My eyes lit up like the fires of hell. I guess that's better.
Anyway, I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to find a decent hotel for the night. The problem is that hotels.com and Travelocity don't really list hotels that charge by the hour. I was tempted to call D-Rock's mom to ask her, but I was worried that her STDs have become so strong that I might catch them over the phone. I found a couple good places, but they were all kind of expensive. That's when Legal Counsel had a little light bulb shining over her head: turnaround trip! Damn it, "my eyes lit up like lightbulbs" - that would have been good. Why is the lightbulb over the head the symbol for having an idea? Who came up with that? Before the 20th century, was it a candle? That could be dangerous...
I told hotels.com to go to hell and smashed my computer. In hindsight, I shouldn't have done that. We formed a plan: leave Tucson at about 2am, drive to The Happiest Place on Earth™, live it up all day, then drive back at around 10p. Brilliant! I can see no flaws in driving while sleep deprived. None at all. So after a day in which I woke up at 7am, I went home at 7p to try for 6 hours sleep. I probably got about 5.
At 2 in the morning, we blast off for Disneyland! Hooray! I was able to stay awake for the whole drive. Legal counsel, not so much. We made it there about an hour after the park opened and left about an hour before it closed. Translation, a kickass 10am-10pm day of fun at Walt's place! Here are some random observations:
We had lunch at this delicious Soup/Sandwich place on Main Street, USA. While eating, we saw this kid. I'm not sure if this photo shows it very well, but this kid was balding. Not just the normal, "Look at me, I'm a baby and I don't have all my hair yet." We're talking receding hairline. It's never a good sign when you're 3 years old and you've got the combover going on. Sure he's still cute now, but by the time he reaches high school he's going to be That Guy who looks 40. You know the one.
I find it a little disturbing that Disney advocates the consumption of Mickey Mouse. You have about 30 different opportunities to eat his brains: cookies, pretzels, ice cream sandwiches, cookies, fries, etc. I chose to feast upon pretzel-ified Mickey. At least i dipped him in cheese first. I figure that would be a mouse's final meal if it was on death row. Which he was. (he killed that guy on Big Thunder Mountain, but don't tell anybody or he'll send Pluto to maul your ass)
Mission Tortilla Factory: best ride ever.
Sourdough bread bowl: best invention ever.
Legal Counsel, my girlfriend, is impersonating Francis: a ladybug who is actually a guy. Is she trying to tell me something?
We hopped on Space Mountain, full of high hopes. Then some peri-pubescent kids hopped on in front of us. I think one of the most awkward conversations you can have with your kid is the one where you tell them they need to start wearing deodorant. How do you tell your kid they stink? It might be more awkward than "the birds and the bees" or "why you're not allowed in the basement and why you hear screams from there." But people: you need to do it. You see chubs in front of me? He smelled horrible. A mixture of feet, BO and D-Rock's hand. Vomitusting. And it was a roller coaster, so his arms were up the whole time. Jibbly. If it was a cartoon, little green stink lines would trace the whole Space Mountain track. Why wouldn't his friends tell him? I was really tempted to break the news to him myself. Legal Counsel and I decided that we'll start putting deodorant on our children at age 2.
All in all, it was a good day. Then we started driving home.
Halfway between LA and Blythe, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw this all up on my ass:
A horrifying semi covered in lights with a terrifying smiley face on the front. Big, bright eyes and a flat yellow mouth. Permanently locked in the face of apathy - as in, "I don't care if I run you over." The worst part: every time I looked in my mirror, he was right there. I passed him, he passed me - no matter what, he was always behind me. I had a panicked Maximum Overdrive/Joy Ride/Wrong Turn/Jeepers Creepers moment. Just ask Legal Counsel: it was a legitimate freak-out. That truck scared the hell out of me. I took that picture so the police would have a lead in solving my murder. Eventually it went away, off to terrorize somebody else. I don't remember how or when, though. It probably drove back to hell through an opening in the ground without anybody seeing. But it still haunts my nightmares...
As we got back into Tucson, I was almost passing out. which is good when you're driving. I drove the entire stretch from Marana to Speedway and I don't remember any of it. I do remember swerving within my lane and Legal Counsel having mini heart attacks, though.
Final verdict: turnaround trips are awesome, but easier when you're riding a bus. And trucks with faces are terrifying.
Reason I love Legal Counsel #1,955: she knows exactly how to cheer me up.
Last week I was feeling blah. No reason, just blah. Legal Counsel, being the loving GF that she is, suggested that we go to Disneyland. Sweet! So my eyes lit up like a deer in headlights...wait, that's not a good analogy. My eyes lit up like the fires of hell. I guess that's better.
Anyway, I spent the rest of the afternoon trying to find a decent hotel for the night. The problem is that hotels.com and Travelocity don't really list hotels that charge by the hour. I was tempted to call D-Rock's mom to ask her, but I was worried that her STDs have become so strong that I might catch them over the phone. I found a couple good places, but they were all kind of expensive. That's when Legal Counsel had a little light bulb shining over her head: turnaround trip! Damn it, "my eyes lit up like lightbulbs" - that would have been good. Why is the lightbulb over the head the symbol for having an idea? Who came up with that? Before the 20th century, was it a candle? That could be dangerous...
I told hotels.com to go to hell and smashed my computer. In hindsight, I shouldn't have done that. We formed a plan: leave Tucson at about 2am, drive to The Happiest Place on Earth™, live it up all day, then drive back at around 10p. Brilliant! I can see no flaws in driving while sleep deprived. None at all. So after a day in which I woke up at 7am, I went home at 7p to try for 6 hours sleep. I probably got about 5.
At 2 in the morning, we blast off for Disneyland! Hooray! I was able to stay awake for the whole drive. Legal counsel, not so much. We made it there about an hour after the park opened and left about an hour before it closed. Translation, a kickass 10am-10pm day of fun at Walt's place! Here are some random observations:
We had lunch at this delicious Soup/Sandwich place on Main Street, USA. While eating, we saw this kid. I'm not sure if this photo shows it very well, but this kid was balding. Not just the normal, "Look at me, I'm a baby and I don't have all my hair yet." We're talking receding hairline. It's never a good sign when you're 3 years old and you've got the combover going on. Sure he's still cute now, but by the time he reaches high school he's going to be That Guy who looks 40. You know the one.
I find it a little disturbing that Disney advocates the consumption of Mickey Mouse. You have about 30 different opportunities to eat his brains: cookies, pretzels, ice cream sandwiches, cookies, fries, etc. I chose to feast upon pretzel-ified Mickey. At least i dipped him in cheese first. I figure that would be a mouse's final meal if it was on death row. Which he was. (he killed that guy on Big Thunder Mountain, but don't tell anybody or he'll send Pluto to maul your ass)
Mission Tortilla Factory: best ride ever.
Sourdough bread bowl: best invention ever.
Legal Counsel, my girlfriend, is impersonating Francis: a ladybug who is actually a guy. Is she trying to tell me something?
We hopped on Space Mountain, full of high hopes. Then some peri-pubescent kids hopped on in front of us. I think one of the most awkward conversations you can have with your kid is the one where you tell them they need to start wearing deodorant. How do you tell your kid they stink? It might be more awkward than "the birds and the bees" or "why you're not allowed in the basement and why you hear screams from there." But people: you need to do it. You see chubs in front of me? He smelled horrible. A mixture of feet, BO and D-Rock's hand. Vomitusting. And it was a roller coaster, so his arms were up the whole time. Jibbly. If it was a cartoon, little green stink lines would trace the whole Space Mountain track. Why wouldn't his friends tell him? I was really tempted to break the news to him myself. Legal Counsel and I decided that we'll start putting deodorant on our children at age 2.
All in all, it was a good day. Then we started driving home.
Halfway between LA and Blythe, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw this all up on my ass:
A horrifying semi covered in lights with a terrifying smiley face on the front. Big, bright eyes and a flat yellow mouth. Permanently locked in the face of apathy - as in, "I don't care if I run you over." The worst part: every time I looked in my mirror, he was right there. I passed him, he passed me - no matter what, he was always behind me. I had a panicked Maximum Overdrive/Joy Ride/Wrong Turn/Jeepers Creepers moment. Just ask Legal Counsel: it was a legitimate freak-out. That truck scared the hell out of me. I took that picture so the police would have a lead in solving my murder. Eventually it went away, off to terrorize somebody else. I don't remember how or when, though. It probably drove back to hell through an opening in the ground without anybody seeing. But it still haunts my nightmares...
As we got back into Tucson, I was almost passing out. which is good when you're driving. I drove the entire stretch from Marana to Speedway and I don't remember any of it. I do remember swerving within my lane and Legal Counsel having mini heart attacks, though.
Final verdict: turnaround trips are awesome, but easier when you're riding a bus. And trucks with faces are terrifying.
posted by Montgomery at 8:54 AM
2 Comments:
Sounds like a good time!! I love turnaround trips....my friend and I did one to Utah for the winter olympics. This blog is perfect timing since we're learning about sleep tomorrow in SBS.......
love,
peasley =)
Why didn't we think of Disneyland instead of going to Crap Paso?
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