Huzzah!
This weekend I went to the Renaissance Festival with Legal Counsel, Wolverine and Lemon. Larkitect and Orange were going to join in the merriment, but they Frenched out at the last minute. You're both on notice!
Here's a picture of me in the process of devouring a turkey leg (or "turkey legg" as they spell it).
I'm like a starving vulture!
If you've never been, let me tell you that the Renaissance Festival is a lot of fun. But it always leaves me full of questions. Why does the festival attract so many obese people? Why so many redheads? (Legal Counsel's theory: it's the only place either group feels comfortable, even though redheads were burned as vampires back then) Why was there a guy dressed as an Ent? What kind of person devotes their life to recreating the Renaissance? How can I become that kind of person? Why was there a booth for talking to Einstein? Did I really have to let the king have his way with me? In hindsight I'm not sure he has any real power, and I wouldn't have been executed for saying "no." Who let the gypsies in?
But the biggest question I left with this year: will people 500 years from now have 20th Century Festivals? The 20th century was a pretty crazy time, so I wouldn't be surprised if it became a new focus for the Society for Creative Anachronisms (NAMBLA). Two world wars (which won't even compare to the 23rd century Galaxy Wars), scientific breakthroughs (which will be invalid by the 25th century), civil rights (race will be gone by then, replaced by "Antenna Discrimination"), Vanilla Ice, the Great Depression, Fraggle Rock...the list goes on and on.
So here's my view of how these 20th Century Festivals (20CF) will look, complete with historical inaccuracies and mistakes:
The Joust
The joust is a staple of the RenFest; four knights (Britain, Northern Isles, Spain and France) all ride horses and battle each other. At the 20CF, this will be slightly changed. Actors impersonating Hitler, Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin will ride Segways around an arena and fire muskets at each other. Hitler and Stalin will be allies despite the fact that they were enemies in the real world, but it's easier to have two good and two evil. Also, it will be Teddy Roosevelt instead of FDR. They'll be battling for the favor of Kaiser Wilhelm.
The Food
There's no doubt in my mind that people in the Renaissance ate turkey leggs, roasted corn, Steak on a Stake, and fried chicken while drinking mead, frozen margaritas and soda. To emulate our time, the 20CF will serve 5 pound hamburgers, Upton Sinclair's Canned Meats, (artificial) Dodo nuggets, gallon jugs of soda, cheap beer and bottlede heavy water. And it will all be infused with trans fats. It'll be a nice break from getting all your nutrients from pills and photosynthesis.
The Clothes
Most people at the 20CF will stay in their normal clothes - shiny-silver mylar jumpsuits and rocket boots. But those who want to get into character will wear 20th century clothes: JNCO jeans with polyester jackets, zoot suits with baseball hats, leg warmers with Fubu shirts, wool trousers with a "Frankie Says Relax" shirt. You get the idea.
The Beggar
The RenFest always had an amusingly silly street beggar. The 20CF will have an actor portraying a 20th Century homeless person. Baking a can of beans over a fire, carrying a bindle, singing songs for pocket change and sharing their wisdom with youngsters who will listen. You know, a completely accurate portrayal.
The Music
Wandering minstrels will be replaced with urban youths (probably in blackface because racism is cyclical, and because blackface occurred in the 20th Century) carrying around boomboxes and freestyle rapping. But people will be swing dancing to the music, ruining any semblance of accuracy.
The Contests
Archery contests and sword fights will be replaced by gun fights and...spear battles. We fought with spears in the last century, right?
The Jugglers
Jugglers will still be there. Juggling will always be cool.
The Village Idiot
George W Bush.
The Renaissance Festival
There will actually be a Renaissance Festival occurring within the 20CF, to demonstrate what we did for fun. There will also be a Dark Ages Festival within the Renaissance Festival within the 20th Century Festival. Trippy...
I can't wait for the future, so I can attempt to relive the past. It'll be awesome.
Here's a picture of me in the process of devouring a turkey leg (or "turkey legg" as they spell it).
I'm like a starving vulture!
If you've never been, let me tell you that the Renaissance Festival is a lot of fun. But it always leaves me full of questions. Why does the festival attract so many obese people? Why so many redheads? (Legal Counsel's theory: it's the only place either group feels comfortable, even though redheads were burned as vampires back then) Why was there a guy dressed as an Ent? What kind of person devotes their life to recreating the Renaissance? How can I become that kind of person? Why was there a booth for talking to Einstein? Did I really have to let the king have his way with me? In hindsight I'm not sure he has any real power, and I wouldn't have been executed for saying "no." Who let the gypsies in?
But the biggest question I left with this year: will people 500 years from now have 20th Century Festivals? The 20th century was a pretty crazy time, so I wouldn't be surprised if it became a new focus for the Society for Creative Anachronisms (NAMBLA). Two world wars (which won't even compare to the 23rd century Galaxy Wars), scientific breakthroughs (which will be invalid by the 25th century), civil rights (race will be gone by then, replaced by "Antenna Discrimination"), Vanilla Ice, the Great Depression, Fraggle Rock...the list goes on and on.
So here's my view of how these 20th Century Festivals (20CF) will look, complete with historical inaccuracies and mistakes:
The Joust
The joust is a staple of the RenFest; four knights (Britain, Northern Isles, Spain and France) all ride horses and battle each other. At the 20CF, this will be slightly changed. Actors impersonating Hitler, Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin will ride Segways around an arena and fire muskets at each other. Hitler and Stalin will be allies despite the fact that they were enemies in the real world, but it's easier to have two good and two evil. Also, it will be Teddy Roosevelt instead of FDR. They'll be battling for the favor of Kaiser Wilhelm.
The Food
There's no doubt in my mind that people in the Renaissance ate turkey leggs, roasted corn, Steak on a Stake, and fried chicken while drinking mead, frozen margaritas and soda. To emulate our time, the 20CF will serve 5 pound hamburgers, Upton Sinclair's Canned Meats, (artificial) Dodo nuggets, gallon jugs of soda, cheap beer and bottlede heavy water. And it will all be infused with trans fats. It'll be a nice break from getting all your nutrients from pills and photosynthesis.
The Clothes
Most people at the 20CF will stay in their normal clothes - shiny-silver mylar jumpsuits and rocket boots. But those who want to get into character will wear 20th century clothes: JNCO jeans with polyester jackets, zoot suits with baseball hats, leg warmers with Fubu shirts, wool trousers with a "Frankie Says Relax" shirt. You get the idea.
The Beggar
The RenFest always had an amusingly silly street beggar. The 20CF will have an actor portraying a 20th Century homeless person. Baking a can of beans over a fire, carrying a bindle, singing songs for pocket change and sharing their wisdom with youngsters who will listen. You know, a completely accurate portrayal.
The Music
Wandering minstrels will be replaced with urban youths (probably in blackface because racism is cyclical, and because blackface occurred in the 20th Century) carrying around boomboxes and freestyle rapping. But people will be swing dancing to the music, ruining any semblance of accuracy.
The Contests
Archery contests and sword fights will be replaced by gun fights and...spear battles. We fought with spears in the last century, right?
The Jugglers
Jugglers will still be there. Juggling will always be cool.
The Village Idiot
George W Bush.
The Renaissance Festival
There will actually be a Renaissance Festival occurring within the 20CF, to demonstrate what we did for fun. There will also be a Dark Ages Festival within the Renaissance Festival within the 20th Century Festival. Trippy...
I can't wait for the future, so I can attempt to relive the past. It'll be awesome.
posted by Montgomery at 8:56 AM
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