Guppy Breathing

I was walking out of a Best Buy when I discovered that little gem sitting on the quarter toy machine. Apparently it's an educational booklet put out by the EPA to educate children about asthma. But like so many things in life, it confuses and befuddles me.

I understand the reason for making your representative a goldfish. Nobody is allergic to goldfish, and you can't even touch 'em anyway. Slimy bastards. But if you're picking a hypoallergenic spokescreature, why name him "Dusty?" That's a trigger! With this approach you lose all the cuddle-factor while still evoking the image of worsening respiratory status. Go entirely hypoallergenic or not at all, don't half-ass it. If you made a line of kosher food products, you wouldn't make the mascot "Adolf the Dreidel."

Also, "asthma triggers" and "funbook" don't really belong in the same sentence. Maybe the Better Breathing Funbook would be more aprapos. There's nothing fun about having your asthma triggered. Except for all the attention, and hospital food, and (if you're at PCH) playing video games with the Child Life people. Okay, I take it back. PCH is pretty sweet, and it is a little fun to be there. Just ask "Histamine the Anaphylactic Shock Bumble Bee" and his Allergic Reaction Funbook.

If you'd like to see the book in it's entirety, check it out here. In the meantime, I'm working on a new mascot for the next edition. Meet Puff Daddy, the Asthma Metered Dose Inhaler:

Yikes! So angry! Maybe needs a little work...