Why in God's name would I wanna keep writing about characters whose central preoccupation are weed and dick and fart jokes?

I think one of the best things about attending the University of Arizona is the relaxed atmosphere. I've been told that schools back east and private schools are very uptight. They won't let you refer to professors by nicknames like "T-bone" and "Huggy Bear." They expect you to do ridiculous things like wearing pants. Jerks. At the old UACOM, however, things are chill. Teachers are friendly and approachable, and they make class fun.

As a result of this relaxed atmosphere, the lecturers joke around in class. As I type this, one of my neurology professors (Prof V) is giving his lecture dressed as another neurology professor (Prof N), complete with bald cap. It is probably revenge for Prof N photoshopping Prof V's face into a movie poster for The 40-year Old Virgin and showing it in class. Hilarious.

I thought I'd share some of the more off-color jokes which have been told, categorized by professor. These aren't exact quotes, but you get the idea.

Armageddon

Defecation is facilitated by peristaltic motions in the intestines. The actual time it takes varies, but in men it usually takes the same amount of time as is required to read the sports page.

There is a ring of skeletal muscle around the anal sphincter, which allows some people to use it as a wind instrument.

There is a greater distance between the sphincter in the bladder and the outside of the body in men, leading to the "dribble factor."

(continued from above) However, women lack the ability to pee in the woods.

Big Mac

(describing the testes being receding to compensate for temperature) I come from Pennsylvania. Eons ago, glaciers came and then receded leaving behind spring-fed lakes. These lakes are very cold even at their warmest - around 10-13ºC. Which is about 55ºF. You couldn't really go swimming until the last few weeks of June, and even then the lakes were still very cold. So I'd go with my friends and we'd jump in the lake, then swim back as fast as we could. After I'd get out, I could feel under my jaw (which he then did, in the manner of a doctor feeling lymph nodes), and I could palpate my testes. (I swear half way through this story I thought he was stuck in an old-man tale - "I wore an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time...")

Sperm are lean, mean swimming machines.

(not really a joke: he used his whole body to imitate testicular torsion, which made me laugh and cry at the same time)

This far from complete list has given us: poop jokes, fart jokes, pee jokes, wang jokes, ball jokes and sperm jokes. Don'tcha wish yer classes were fun like mine? Don'tcha?