Sneaking Suspicion

Yesterday I was happy all afternoon, which is odd because I was studying all afternoon. Maybe because I was at Coffee Xchange, and I wasn't so much "studying" as "sipping a tasty Arnold Palmer, staring at Legal Counsel." By the way, the Arnold Palmer is my new favourite drink. Half tea, half lemonade, all delicious. Much like the man himself.

But then I accompanied LC back to the law school so she could go to class, and I moved my studying to the med library: Purple Room. Accompanying me on this migration was a bad case of the blahs, maybe secondary to a Case of the Mondays. So I was sitting there, staring at my notes, feeling blah. Not unhappy or upset, just blah. So I log onto iChat to see if anybody is online. That's when I get a message from Legal Counsel announcing her craving for popped maize.

Well, there's one solution to both our problems: the movies! Killing two dissidents with one Gitmo, you could say. But there were no good movies playing at good times in the El cheapo theatres. And Tucson's non-cheapos are $8.75 with no student discount.

Well, there's one solution to both that problems: movie hopping! The age old tradition of paying for one film but watching two. Quick historical lesson: this practice dates back to Roman times when freedmen would pay to watch Christians be eaten by lions, then hide in the vomitorium until the gladiatorial combat began. I ran the idea by Legal Counsel and she was in/up/down. We'd see Lucky Number Slevin, then sneak into Scary Movie 4 or Ice Age 2.

Before going to the theatre, we decided to spice up our theft/trespassing with a little smuggling. We stopped by Base Camp Target to acquire some candies. The contraband in question: Red Vines and Raisinettes - a little R&R. I purchased the swag and jammed it into my pockets. Perk of being a boy: our pants/shorts have large numbers of massive pockets. I've become Legal Counsel's purse (Annyong!). Before you question it: yes, we did pick the candy in the biggest box and the box with the loudest rattle.

Speaking of rattles, as we were walking to the theatre there was a leaf or something being blown in circles by escaping air conditioning. To me it sounded like a rattlesnake, so I looked over with my cat-like ninja reflexes. Phew, just a leaf. Then LC heard it and looked over, too. I asked her, "Did you think it was rattlesnake?" She replied with, "I was more worried it was a junebug." Sigh. I already knew she's more afraid of butterflies than bees, now I know she's more afraid of junebugs than snakes. Weird. My theory: with snakes and bees, you know they're dangerous; with butterflies and junebugs, you don't know what they're going to do.

So we buy our tickets, grab some popcorn and go see the movie. I'd recommend Lucky Number Slevin it's funny, action-y and keeps you interested...y. Although I felt like it was trying to be a Tarantino movie, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. But nobody can do Tarantino better than Tarantino. Except maybe D-Rock's mom.

The movie finishes and we plan our crime. Scary Movie 4 was playing on the same side of the cineplex - score. But in two different theatres - damn. So we pop into each of the options. One is still playing, the other is showing the pre-movie ads. Option the latter is probably more likely to start soon, but we don't really know. And it didn't start for another 50 minutes - scheize! Plan B - Ice Age 2.

I'd like to take a moment to discuss my Movie Hopping History (MHH). My mom used to make me do it when I was a kid. She also made me pretend to be under 10 for the kids tickets even as I was in puberty/past puberty. In both cases, I was always really nervous and embarassed (my aunt would jaoke about the Movie Police). It's a lot more difficult to movie hop in an 8 theatre place than a 20 theatre place, let me say. And I remember hopping with friends in high school, still nervous. But doing it now - no worries. What're they gonna do, kick me out? I haven't lost anything. I'm not sure where the change in attitude comes from...

Back to the story: Ice Age 2 was on the other side of the complex. Complications... Plus, the two custodial teenagers had already seen LC and I loitering around several different theatres. The plan: re-visit the concession stand as a segue to the other side. As we were waiting at the register, the ticket lady kept staring at us. Staring with those beedy, suspicious eyes. Witch. I started getting paranoid and suspicious. I sent Legal counsel towards the other theatre to see if a chase ensued. Nothing. We should be safe. Yeah, I used my girlfriend as bait. What of it?

We make our way to theatre 13 and waltz on in. Totally empty. A thin layer of dust coated all the seats, crickets chirped in the background and a tumbleweed tumbled by. Do they even play the movie if no tickets are sold? Will they check to make sure it's empty? Abort! Abort! Escape plan alpha! Run, Legal Counsel, run! Crap, the custodial teenager was accessing the custodial closet, directly outside the theatre door! We could be spotted!

So we ducked back into the shadows and waited for the all clear. After a few minutes of "If I don't make it out alive, know that I love you"s, I looked out the door's window. Nothing in sight or earshot. Then Legal Counsel shoved me out, whispering, "see if it's clear" as she went back into hiding. It was clear. So we escaped.

We decided to loiter around some other theatres, just to make sure nobody would go into Ice Age 2. Then two people went in - shibby! But they exited immediately - damn! They must be fellow theatre hoppers, making the same discovery we did. I gave a chuckle as they slinked into a new movie which had long since started. They are dedicated to the cause.

We figured that we'd snuck around enough that we might start drawing suspicion. Time to cut our losses and leave. Lessons learned: there are no people going to see a kid's movie at 10:15p on a Monday night. Who'd a thought? Next time, we'll go on a Friday or Saturday. Maybe we can pay matinee prices and get a double feature.

To make up for our full price admission, we went back to Target. I faked a seizure while Legal Counsel stole about 20 copies of From Justin to Kelly. Take that, Hollywood!