There's more of deep-fried twinkie than of grave about you, whatever you are!
The events of this morning/afternoon: breakfast with Legal Counsel at her sister's restaurant (Cindy Lou's - delicious), studying at Epic, fly-on-the-wall at a transgender needs assesment focus group (more on this in the future, I'm sure), eating a sandwich of Epic proportions, more studying, done at 3:something. That's a pretty fruitful afternoon. But we were sick of studying, so we went home and took a nap to recharge our study batteries (Stutteries™). Let me say that Epic must put something funny in there sandwiches, because I had a weird nap-dream.
Somehow, and I don't remember how, Legal Counsel and I were invited to dinner at the house of Britney and K-Fed. That's weird enough already, right? Well, their house was in the neighborhood where my grandparents used to live. My childhood memories neighborhood (I grew up with my grandparents). And for some reason, a circa 1920s mobster car was screeching around the block shooting stuff. All in all, a pretty messed up setting.
The inside of the house was totally white-trashed out. Clothes and beer cans all over the place, cinder block/particle board entertainment center, weed-filled yard, car on blocks...the whole nine. While we were in the house, Britney and K-Fed were being jerks to us. Oh, and K-Fed was in a wife-beater with a big gut hanging out and pit stains.
From the moment we got there, Sean Preston was crying upstairs. I asked if anybody was going to attend, and Britney snapped "He'll be fine. He does this all the time." I wanted to yell at her, but for some reason I didn't. Eventually she grumbled, "I hate this brat" and stomped upstairs. The stairs were lined with half empty paint cans.
At this point LC and I went to see K-Fed, who was cooking the dinner for some reason. You'd expect a chef, right? Well, he was cooking a turkey in a Crock Pot, which I've never heard of. I also think he was drunk. We started talking and somehow the subject of Legal Counsel not eating mammals came up. He then got all pissed off and said, "So, you think you're better than us? To good for my cooking?" And there wasn't even any mammal meat in the dinner! The baby was still crying upstairs.
He was all pissed off, so he went to the fridge and grabbed a package of bacon. The nasty looking turkey soup concoction was already scooped into individual bowls (plastic bowls with Smurfs on the bottom, in fact), and he started throwing bacon into all the bowls. Then he grabbed what looked to be uncooked cow foreshank and started wringing the juices into the bowls. Then he grabbed one of the turkey/bacon/beef juice bowls and tossed it onto the table where we were sitting, splashing the stuff onto Legal Counsel's shirt.
I finally had enough and started yelling at him for being a dick. He started yelling at me that I wasn't important because I wasn't famous. I yelled that he was only famous because he married B-Spears and that he's the laughing stock of the world. He started approaching me, so I drew a fist back for a punch. Just then, he dropped to the floor and screamed "not in the face." At the same time, Britney entered the room and started immasculating K-Fed for being a coward. Legal Counsel was laughing at the whole situation. Legal Counsel and I were walking toward the door...
And then I woke up.
I swear that everything I just said is exactly what was in my dream. I have to say it's one of the weirdest dreams I've ever had. It's what I imagine a Lakota tribe member would see on a vision quest if they were given 24/7 exposure to Extra or the E! channel. I'm glad I remembered it.
Back to studying...
Somehow, and I don't remember how, Legal Counsel and I were invited to dinner at the house of Britney and K-Fed. That's weird enough already, right? Well, their house was in the neighborhood where my grandparents used to live. My childhood memories neighborhood (I grew up with my grandparents). And for some reason, a circa 1920s mobster car was screeching around the block shooting stuff. All in all, a pretty messed up setting.
The inside of the house was totally white-trashed out. Clothes and beer cans all over the place, cinder block/particle board entertainment center, weed-filled yard, car on blocks...the whole nine. While we were in the house, Britney and K-Fed were being jerks to us. Oh, and K-Fed was in a wife-beater with a big gut hanging out and pit stains.
From the moment we got there, Sean Preston was crying upstairs. I asked if anybody was going to attend, and Britney snapped "He'll be fine. He does this all the time." I wanted to yell at her, but for some reason I didn't. Eventually she grumbled, "I hate this brat" and stomped upstairs. The stairs were lined with half empty paint cans.
At this point LC and I went to see K-Fed, who was cooking the dinner for some reason. You'd expect a chef, right? Well, he was cooking a turkey in a Crock Pot, which I've never heard of. I also think he was drunk. We started talking and somehow the subject of Legal Counsel not eating mammals came up. He then got all pissed off and said, "So, you think you're better than us? To good for my cooking?" And there wasn't even any mammal meat in the dinner! The baby was still crying upstairs.
He was all pissed off, so he went to the fridge and grabbed a package of bacon. The nasty looking turkey soup concoction was already scooped into individual bowls (plastic bowls with Smurfs on the bottom, in fact), and he started throwing bacon into all the bowls. Then he grabbed what looked to be uncooked cow foreshank and started wringing the juices into the bowls. Then he grabbed one of the turkey/bacon/beef juice bowls and tossed it onto the table where we were sitting, splashing the stuff onto Legal Counsel's shirt.
I finally had enough and started yelling at him for being a dick. He started yelling at me that I wasn't important because I wasn't famous. I yelled that he was only famous because he married B-Spears and that he's the laughing stock of the world. He started approaching me, so I drew a fist back for a punch. Just then, he dropped to the floor and screamed "not in the face." At the same time, Britney entered the room and started immasculating K-Fed for being a coward. Legal Counsel was laughing at the whole situation. Legal Counsel and I were walking toward the door...
And then I woke up.
I swear that everything I just said is exactly what was in my dream. I have to say it's one of the weirdest dreams I've ever had. It's what I imagine a Lakota tribe member would see on a vision quest if they were given 24/7 exposure to Extra or the E! channel. I'm glad I remembered it.
Back to studying...
posted by Montgomery at 8:19 PM
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