I think I just logged onto my internet...
After a full day of studying, sushi, soda (Italian style), scrutiny (for human subjects clearance), and s...sgetting pissed off at applying for MSRP funding, I headed home with Legal Counsel for more studying. When we arrived home, a crisis was in full swing. We lost our internet connection and cable!
While I called FEMA, Areenos called Cox. I could tell by her tone that she was ready to straight-up murder somebody's ass. She put her phone on speaker, probably so we could all learn that the guy on the other end didn't know co-ax from a hole in the ground. He questioned our splitter, saying we could only have cable or internet. 'Cause that makes sense. Areenos then informed him that our household survives on internet and television. He told us he'd send somebody tomorrow. She told him he wouldn't live to see tomorow.
The Scoobies were ready to scatter - to libraries, to coffee shops...anywhere with connections to that sweet, sweet superhighway. J-Bone and myself, ready for a long winter, decided to hoard supplies at Target. We got the jump on all those other suckers - we were the only horde hoarding. Those fools didn't know of the occuring tragedy. We grabbed our supplies: Dr. Pepper: Berries & Cream (diet and regular), milk, red vines, and Honey Cashew Crunch. Critical for any form of drought or famine. And some nails and boards to secure the entrances. Raiders and all.
Obviously I'm exaggerating. I am the greatest hyperbolist in all of space time, after all. I once saved a guy's life via embellishment. But the internet did die, and we did buy that stuff at Target. And the house did fly into a panic without internet. It's the human equivalent of disrupting an ant trail. "We're doomed!!!" Everybody was freaking out, coming up with escape plans (myself included).
When I got back from Target, I decided to study low-tech style. In this case, "low-tech" meaning "underneath an incandescent bulb with a ballpoint pen, listening to an iPod shuffle." As I was studying, the internets came back. Hooray! Within five minutes (if that), I looked up to see the following:
Everybody was sitting together, like a social gathering of bygone ages. But nobody was talking. Not a word. They were all staring intently at their laptops, a silent vigil to the Information Age. I had to document it.
But this is really the standard here at Chez Scooby. We prefer to stare at glowing rectangles rather than each other. Can you blame us? With so many disgusting secrets and vicious betrayals, how can we look each other in the eye? Crushing guilt, horrible shame - we can barely stand each other's presence. You'll never find a more wretched hide of scum and villiany.
So the house went from internets-less chaos to a subdued, online stupor. Life is back to "normal."
"But Montgomery," You might be crying, "it's finals time in law school land. They're probably studying." Yeah, you're right. Well, you're probably right. Check this out:
They were all on MySpace. Sitting in the same room, not talking to each other, viewing a "social networking" website. Irony overdose...blerggh... Wow, that was close. Good thing I had that free naloxone sample in my pocket. But seriously, that's funny.
Before I go, I'd like to draw your attention to one part of the first picture in particular:
Areenos. Yeah, I'm as surprised as you that she shows up on film. But that's not what I wanted to point out. Check out the look on her face. Anger, disgust, hatred. Her eyes burning a hole in my very soul. She seems to be screaming, "What the hell are you doing with that camera? I'll kill you like that Cox insect!" That's a look she normally saves for Chinese people. Jibbly...
*note: all the jokes I made about the Scoobies apply equally (or even more) to myself. I'm about as internet addicted as anybody. Realize - I started typing this (forgoing my studying) shortly after taking the picture. I'm a hypocrite. But I did take the Hypocratic Oath, after all.†
†no I didn't. That was a lie.
While I called FEMA, Areenos called Cox. I could tell by her tone that she was ready to straight-up murder somebody's ass. She put her phone on speaker, probably so we could all learn that the guy on the other end didn't know co-ax from a hole in the ground. He questioned our splitter, saying we could only have cable or internet. 'Cause that makes sense. Areenos then informed him that our household survives on internet and television. He told us he'd send somebody tomorrow. She told him he wouldn't live to see tomorow.
The Scoobies were ready to scatter - to libraries, to coffee shops...anywhere with connections to that sweet, sweet superhighway. J-Bone and myself, ready for a long winter, decided to hoard supplies at Target. We got the jump on all those other suckers - we were the only horde hoarding. Those fools didn't know of the occuring tragedy. We grabbed our supplies: Dr. Pepper: Berries & Cream (diet and regular), milk, red vines, and Honey Cashew Crunch. Critical for any form of drought or famine. And some nails and boards to secure the entrances. Raiders and all.
Obviously I'm exaggerating. I am the greatest hyperbolist in all of space time, after all. I once saved a guy's life via embellishment. But the internet did die, and we did buy that stuff at Target. And the house did fly into a panic without internet. It's the human equivalent of disrupting an ant trail. "We're doomed!!!" Everybody was freaking out, coming up with escape plans (myself included).
When I got back from Target, I decided to study low-tech style. In this case, "low-tech" meaning "underneath an incandescent bulb with a ballpoint pen, listening to an iPod shuffle." As I was studying, the internets came back. Hooray! Within five minutes (if that), I looked up to see the following:
Everybody was sitting together, like a social gathering of bygone ages. But nobody was talking. Not a word. They were all staring intently at their laptops, a silent vigil to the Information Age. I had to document it.
But this is really the standard here at Chez Scooby. We prefer to stare at glowing rectangles rather than each other. Can you blame us? With so many disgusting secrets and vicious betrayals, how can we look each other in the eye? Crushing guilt, horrible shame - we can barely stand each other's presence. You'll never find a more wretched hide of scum and villiany.
So the house went from internets-less chaos to a subdued, online stupor. Life is back to "normal."
"But Montgomery," You might be crying, "it's finals time in law school land. They're probably studying." Yeah, you're right. Well, you're probably right. Check this out:
They were all on MySpace. Sitting in the same room, not talking to each other, viewing a "social networking" website. Irony overdose...blerggh... Wow, that was close. Good thing I had that free naloxone sample in my pocket. But seriously, that's funny.
Before I go, I'd like to draw your attention to one part of the first picture in particular:
Areenos. Yeah, I'm as surprised as you that she shows up on film. But that's not what I wanted to point out. Check out the look on her face. Anger, disgust, hatred. Her eyes burning a hole in my very soul. She seems to be screaming, "What the hell are you doing with that camera? I'll kill you like that Cox insect!" That's a look she normally saves for Chinese people. Jibbly...
*note: all the jokes I made about the Scoobies apply equally (or even more) to myself. I'm about as internet addicted as anybody. Realize - I started typing this (forgoing my studying) shortly after taking the picture. I'm a hypocrite. But I did take the Hypocratic Oath, after all.†
†no I didn't. That was a lie.
posted by Montgomery at 10:08 PM
1 Comments:
You make me want to wiggle my nemeses! Tah Tah!
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