Dreamweaver

It's midterm season, and as usual that probably means my blog will start suffering because of my studying. I'm sorry, Bloggy, you know I love you. And speaking of studying, I have three new reasons to hate the 4th Floor Frat Boys™: a. they don't flush 2. they don't wash their hands c. 311 ringtones at max volume. Listen up freaks, this isn't you parents' house. Show some respect.

Anyway...where was I? Right, studying. You see, that's what happens when I study, or even when I think about studying - I start to space out and lose my train of thought. I think it's a form of auto-hypnosis. So if you want to plant an idea in my head, just say "studying" then tell me what to do as soon as my eyes glaze over and roll into the back of my head. I probably shouldn't have told you my weakness.

So where do I go when I space out while studying? Wait...where was I? Right, daydreaming. Since I'm already in the medical thought process, I start imagining myself as a doctor. As a result, I've envisioned many things I'd like to accomplish in my medical career. And if I don't achieve them, I'll be filling a prescription for 50cc of tears. I don't think these desires are specific to me, either. I'm sure if you ask any doctor, they have the same goals in life*.

Without further ado, here is Montgomery's Big List of Doctor Dreams™:

1. Perform an emergency tracheotomy with a swiss army knife and a ballpoint pen.
2. Have somebody approach me complaining that, "it hurts when I do this." Respond with, "then don't do that."
3. Bite the cap off a syringe, then spit it on the floor.
4. Say, "Damn it, I'm a doctor not a _____."
   • Preferably the blank will be filled in with "EOD technician" but I'll also settle for "marine biologist" or "sniper"
5. Save a life at Disneyland, get free admission for life.
6. Write a prescription for "1 ass-kicking" and hand it to somebody. Then have them look up after reading it only to see my fist immediately before it strikes their face.
7. Restart a heart...Fonzie style!
8. Be in a room when somebody says, "is there a doctor in the house?" Respond with "Dr. Montgomery, in da hizzouse!"
9. Own and operate a riverboat casino.
10. Save the life of somebody outside of work, then ask for a co-pay and charge their insurance company.
11. Perform an encephalectomy to cure a case of vigor mortis**
12. "I'm sorry, your husband has passed away. But we can rebuild him. We have the technology..."
13. Murder D-Rock
14. Get in an argument, then bust out a prescription pad and write a prescription for "a clue"
15. Clean and suture myself after #6 goes horribly wrong.
16. Treat the victims of a biochemical incident
    • Probably one that I caused
17. Pull somebody from an overturned tanker truck, then carry them to safety and jump away in slow motion as the truck explodes
18. Get stranded on an island, then treat my fellow castaways with indigenous plants
    • Also, kill that smoke monster
19. Slap the next person who asks me if I watch House
20. Stab an unruly patient with a syringe and inject them with sedative.
    • Then draw a penis on their face while they're passed out

That's all for now, although I'm sure there are many, many more. It's time for me to get back to studying. Wait...where am I?

In other news, congratulations to Dr. Friedchicken on winning Best Director!

* not likely
** in layman's terms, a zombie