High Times

I'm a fan of highlighting. I'm even a member of the National Association for the Advancement of Coloring Text (NAMBLA). Highlighting allows all the fun of turning something yellow without the hassle of being yelled at for peeing on stuff. Which reminds me of the main drawback of highlighting: if somebody pees on your notes, all your highlighting efforts are ruined. And my notes get peed on...a lot. In a cruel twist of fate, yellow highlighter is the exact same color as hobo urine. I tried using orange highlighter, but that damn hobo started popping pyridium and returned to his old antics. Damn you, hobo, I didn't steal your bindle!

The other big problem with highlighting is that I don't know how to do it. In my first attempt, I tried one of those Sharpie highlighters. It just made it really difficult to read the important stuff. And even after discovering those clear yellow ones, the majority of my efforts contribute nothing to the notes.

But I'm comforted by the fact that nobody else seems to know how to highlight either. Allow me to demonstrate with the following example paragraph:

EPEC initially attach to enterocytes utilizing pili of the BFP type to form clustered microcolonies on the enterocyte cell surface. The lesion then progresses with effacement of the microvilli and changes in the cell morphology including the production of dramatic "pedestals" with these EPEC bacterium at their apex. The combination of these actions is called the attachment and effacing (A/E) lesion.

The "I don't understand the concept of highlighting"
This is by far the most popular style. This student likes to highlight everything. Everything. Paragraphs, headings, page numbers, professor names, their own face. Here's an example:

EPEC initially attach to enterocytes utilizing pili of the BFP type to form clustered microcolonies on the enterocyte cell surface. The lesion then progresses with effacement of the microvilli and changes in the cell morphology including the production of dramatic "pedestals" with these EPEC bacterium at their apex. The combination of these actions is called the attachment and effacing (A/E) lesion.

So what you end up with is a blinding block of highlighter die. Completely useless. If they're using a blue highlighter, it looks like D-Rock's mom's bed under a blacklight.

The "Ed Chapman"
This is a variation on our first method. but this student, being an artist at heart, prefers to use random colors changing at random parts of the sentence.

EPEC initially attach to enterocytes utilizing pili of the BFP type to form clustered microcolonies on the enterocyte cell surface. The lesion then progresses with effacement of the microvilli and changes in the cell morphology including the production of dramatic "pedestals" with these EPEC bacterium at their apex. The combination of these actions is called the attachment and effacing (A/E) lesion.

It's really quite beautiful. Can I frame your notes and hang them on my wall?

The "Redundant Highlight"
This person thinks the most important sections of notes are the ones that are bolded or italicized, so that's what they highlight.

EPEC initially attach to enterocytes utilizing pili of the BFP type to form clustered microcolonies on the enterocyte cell surface. The lesion then progresses with effacement of the microvilli and changes in the cell morphology including the production of dramatic "pedestals" with these EPEC bacterium at their apex. The combination of these actions is called the attachment and effacing (A/E) lesion.

Obviously they don't realize that being bold in the first place already draws your attention. But on the plus side, it gives me the freedom to completely ignore everything else in my notes, including explnations of the bold/italics/highlighted stuff. Take that, knowledge!

The "did I actually do that right?"
Probably the only useful method. This person actually picks the important stuff and highlights it. What a concept!

EPEC initially attach to enterocytes utilizing pili of the BFP type to form clustered microcolonies on the enterocyte cell surface. The lesion then progresses with effacement of the microvilli and changes in the cell morphology including the production of dramatic "pedestals" with these EPEC bacterium at their apex. The combination of these actions is called the attachment and effacing (A/E) lesion.

Of course, this is very difficult to do since the notes they give us are already the hgihlights of a lecture. If you highlight a highlight, it goes back to normal.

The "I need help"
Usually I'll be studying and I'll space out for 5-10 minutes. When I wake up, I'll get this pattern. This is from a random page, not the sample paragraph, with unhighlighted text removed.

Theodor Escherich...is going...to rise from...the...dead...and he...will kill...you...Burn...down the...school...to stop...him.

This happens to me all the time when I'm highlighting, but it's totally normal right guys? Right? Hello?

That's all the styles that I can think of off the top of my head. Now if you'll excuse me, I think it's time for somebody to stop undead Escherich (E. zombi). And that somebody is me.