VD
It's completely gray (or grey, if you prefer The Queen's English) outside, it's raining and we're learning about diseased vaginas in pathology and the cause of UTIs in micro lab. That can mean only one thing...it's Arizona's Birthday Valentine's Day!
I got Legal Counsel a box of Lucky Charms with the stars, horseshoes, clovers, blue moons, pots of gold, rainbows, and red balloons picked out...and eaten...by me. Some people might say I got her an almost empty box of cereal. But others will say I got her a box of candy hearts, which is romantic and sweet.
Well it turns out Legal Counsel falls into the first group. And she extinguished an entire box of fireplace matches one by one on my forearm to make sure that I never forget.
There are a lot of people out there who say that Valentine's Day is a fake holiday designed only to make people spend their money. These are miserable people and they probably always will be. Valentine's Day is an excuse to have fun, whether you're in a relationship or just celebrating with friends. And here's where it came from, courtesy of Wikipedia.
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Valentine's Day began in ancient Rome as Lupercalia, celebrated on February 15. Priests of the Luperci cult (who worshipped the wolf who suckled Romulus and Remus) would go to Lupercal (the cave where the wolf lived) and sacrifice two goats and a dog. The blood was then scattered in the streets to bring fertility and ward off wolves (which is ironic). If that's not romance, I don't know what is. Further, boys would draw girls' names from a box in honor of the goddess of sex and fertility (for unstated reasons, wink) in the festival of Juno Februata. Also
The Romans had a really kick-ass religion with tons of gods, lots of cool stories and freaky rituals. But they soon started getting brainwashed by christians, who have one god, depressing/judgemental stories and freaky rituals. So in 496, in an attempt to be rid of pagan beliefs, Lupercalia was replaced by the Feast of St. Valentine.
St. Valentine was a martyr who was imprisoned for aiding other martyrs in prison*. He converted his jailer by restoring sight to the jailer's blind daughter. Then he was tortured and beheaded...just like every other martyr. Zzzzzz.... Oh, sorry. Nodded off their for a second. Damn you, (comparatively) boring catholic mythology!
Let me think...killing animals, sprinkling blood, naked people hitting you with thongs, pulling names from hats OR some dude that got killed for helping other dudes. Ancient Rome 1, Modern Rome 0.
For your information, St. Valentine is the patron saint of the following things (among others): bee keepers, epilepsy, fainting, greeting card manufacturers, and plague. That's actually pretty cool, I must admit.
On Valentine's Day 1349, ~2000 Jews were burned to death by christians because the christians owed the jews money, so they blamed them for poisoning wells and killed them. Love, exciting and new....
The first association of Valentine's Day with love was by Geoffrey Chaucer (aka Paul Bettany) in 1382, when he said
The French established the "High Court of Love" on Valentine's Day 1400. That's when French kissing was invented, just so it could be made illegal.
The oldest surviving Valentine was written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife, while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. It read, "Roses are red / Violets are blue / For the love of god / Please don't let them cut my head off."
In the following years, it started to become more about romance and less about religion. Such is the fate of all things. Which brings us to modern times when, in 1969, the Church removed St. Valentines Day from its official calendar. February 14 is now dedicated to Saints Cyril and Methodius. These brothers went to Russia to convert Jewish Khazar, in both religion and language. And I'm sleepy again...
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So when you start badmouthing VD for being too commercial, just take a minute to consider its proud history of killing animals, hitting people with thongs, bee keepers, killing jews, Slavic languages and of course, love.
* Obviously this aid must have taken place before any of them actually became martyrs. Unless...ALTERNATE HISTORY...St. Valentine and ten other martyrs were killed and put in the Containment Unit (ghost prison) by the Ghostbusters. St. Valentine was removed from the Containment Unit for helping the other ghosts, at which point he was exorcised by Otho from Beetle Juice, using "The Handbook for the Recently Deceased." That's actually a pretty awesome story. I really should write a history book...
I got Legal Counsel a box of Lucky Charms with the stars, horseshoes, clovers, blue moons, pots of gold, rainbows, and red balloons picked out...and eaten...by me. Some people might say I got her an almost empty box of cereal. But others will say I got her a box of candy hearts, which is romantic and sweet.
Well it turns out Legal Counsel falls into the first group. And she extinguished an entire box of fireplace matches one by one on my forearm to make sure that I never forget.
There are a lot of people out there who say that Valentine's Day is a fake holiday designed only to make people spend their money. These are miserable people and they probably always will be. Valentine's Day is an excuse to have fun, whether you're in a relationship or just celebrating with friends. And here's where it came from, courtesy of Wikipedia.
-----
Valentine's Day began in ancient Rome as Lupercalia, celebrated on February 15. Priests of the Luperci cult (who worshipped the wolf who suckled Romulus and Remus) would go to Lupercal (the cave where the wolf lived) and sacrifice two goats and a dog. The blood was then scattered in the streets to bring fertility and ward off wolves (which is ironic). If that's not romance, I don't know what is. Further, boys would draw girls' names from a box in honor of the goddess of sex and fertility (for unstated reasons, wink) in the festival of Juno Februata. Also
many of the noble youths and of the magistrates run up and down through the city naked, for sport and laughter striking those they meet with shaggy thongs. And many women of rank also purposely get in their way, and like children at school present their hands to be struck, believing that the pregnant will thus be helped in delivery, and the barren to pregnancy.Very sexy. No wonder "romance" comes from the Latin romanice meaning "in the Roman manner".
The Romans had a really kick-ass religion with tons of gods, lots of cool stories and freaky rituals. But they soon started getting brainwashed by christians, who have one god, depressing/judgemental stories and freaky rituals. So in 496, in an attempt to be rid of pagan beliefs, Lupercalia was replaced by the Feast of St. Valentine.
St. Valentine was a martyr who was imprisoned for aiding other martyrs in prison*. He converted his jailer by restoring sight to the jailer's blind daughter. Then he was tortured and beheaded...just like every other martyr. Zzzzzz.... Oh, sorry. Nodded off their for a second. Damn you, (comparatively) boring catholic mythology!
Let me think...killing animals, sprinkling blood, naked people hitting you with thongs, pulling names from hats OR some dude that got killed for helping other dudes. Ancient Rome 1, Modern Rome 0.
For your information, St. Valentine is the patron saint of the following things (among others): bee keepers, epilepsy, fainting, greeting card manufacturers, and plague. That's actually pretty cool, I must admit.
On Valentine's Day 1349, ~2000 Jews were burned to death by christians because the christians owed the jews money, so they blamed them for poisoning wells and killed them. Love, exciting and new....
The first association of Valentine's Day with love was by Geoffrey Chaucer (aka Paul Bettany) in 1382, when he said
For this was on seynt Volantynys dayChaucer is famous for his poor spelling. But you guys probably know him as the guy what helped Heath Ledger win over Shannyn Sossamon in A Knight's Tale. Uncultured bastards...
Whan euery bryd comyth there to chese [chose] his make [mate].
The French established the "High Court of Love" on Valentine's Day 1400. That's when French kissing was invented, just so it could be made illegal.
The oldest surviving Valentine was written in 1415 by Charles, Duke of Orleans to his wife, while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. It read, "Roses are red / Violets are blue / For the love of god / Please don't let them cut my head off."
In the following years, it started to become more about romance and less about religion. Such is the fate of all things. Which brings us to modern times when, in 1969, the Church removed St. Valentines Day from its official calendar. February 14 is now dedicated to Saints Cyril and Methodius. These brothers went to Russia to convert Jewish Khazar, in both religion and language. And I'm sleepy again...
-----
So when you start badmouthing VD for being too commercial, just take a minute to consider its proud history of killing animals, hitting people with thongs, bee keepers, killing jews, Slavic languages and of course, love.
* Obviously this aid must have taken place before any of them actually became martyrs. Unless...ALTERNATE HISTORY...St. Valentine and ten other martyrs were killed and put in the Containment Unit (ghost prison) by the Ghostbusters. St. Valentine was removed from the Containment Unit for helping the other ghosts, at which point he was exorcised by Otho from Beetle Juice, using "The Handbook for the Recently Deceased." That's actually a pretty awesome story. I really should write a history book...
posted by Montgomery at 7:51 AM
2 Comments:
when I see "VD" I think venereal disease....whats wrong with me???
I still hate both kinds of VD.
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