Plumber's Quack

I'm sure most of you already aware of this but on 24 May 2007 George W "Dubya" Bush nominated James W "Double U" Holsinger for Surgeon General*.

There's no doubt in my mind that he nominated "Dr" Holsinger based entirely on his middle initial. And that's fine. It seems like a higher standard than he applied to any of his other officials. He's the president. He can do what he wants. Unfortunately.

I was fine with the decision because really, who cares? It's a political position. But then a certain piece of information was brought to my attention - by the Colbert Report, I think. It's sad that I get most of my news from Comedy Central. Or is it? At least they are willing to ridicule both sides.

Anyway, what i learned was that "Dr" Holsinger published a paper entitled "The Pathophysiology of Male Homosexuality." Right of the bat**, I have a problem with the paper. The title implies that homosexuality is a pathologic condition. Sigh. I could spend all day criticizing this, but it wouldn't be funny. Moving on!

In a much publicized quote from the paper, "Dr" Holsinger writes:

The logical complementarity of the human sexes has been so recognized in our culture that it has entered our vocabulary in the form of naming various pipe fittings either the male pipe fitting or the female pipe fitting depending upon which one interlocks within the other.

You're using plumbing as support for your argument? Really?

Don't get me wrong, I love plumbers. My grandfather was a plumber, Mario & Luigi are plumbers. Plumbers are cool. But you can't go basing medicine on plumbing. Trust me, I've tried. After eight attempts to replace a faulty aortic valve with a ball cock***, you learn your lesson. Just ask me and/or Thomas Crapper****.

But lets take a look at the anaology anyway, shall we? He is implying that the only possible connection between two pipes is male-->female. That's all wrong!

He believes that you can't/shouldn't connect two pipes with male fittings. But you know what? Male pipes often have a receptive fitting on the other side! All you have to do is turn one around, and you can connect two males. Just like with humans!

And female to female is almost as easy. If you need to connect two female fittings, all you need is the proper connector. And that's just plain sexy! Ask Jennifer Connelly, she'll tell you.

You know what? Maybe this pipe analogy isn't so bad. With enough imagination you can draw all sorts of parallels.

In conclusion, "Dr" Holsinger probably knows as much about medicine as he does about plumbing. But maybe his analogy wasn't as wrong as I initially assumed. It's just not what he intended.

Gives a whole new meaning to Pipefitters union.


*of the United States
**what does this phrase even mean? Are bats known for getting straight to the point? Or is it a baseball analogy. Hey, that might be it!
***giggle
****oh my god, giggle much?

I feel the need to share

Everybody hates the guy who just writes about things he reads while studying (wink), so I'm trying not to be that guy. But this one is too good to pass up. I found it on wikipedia while researching the "chandelier sign."

John Thomas sign
The John Thomas sign, also known as the Throckmorton sign, is the position of a penis as it relates to pathology on an x-ray of a pelvis. When the penis (visible on the x-ray as a shadow) points towards the same side as a unilateral medical condition (such as a broken bone), this is considered a "positive John Thomas sign", and if the shadow points to the other side, it is a negative John Thomas sign. This sign is of no medical significance and is employed as a humorous aside.

This is an example of the mature ego defense known as "Humor."

Updates

I'll admit it, I'm guilty of dereliction of duty. It's been two-and-a-half weeks since I got back from Walt Disney World (which was awesome) and this is my first post. And it's not even a real post! It's an apology and update. I am ashamed...

I've been devoting all my time to studying for the USMLE Step 1. It's kind of a big deal. To quote Wikipedia:

The Step 1 exam is arguably the hardest and most important examination a medical student will take during his/her career.

See? If Wikipedia says it, it must be true. Besides studying, I've been spending the remainder of my time with Legal Counsel. She's still as perfect as ever.

And speaking of Legal Counsel, we've got some good news. We've set a wedding date and location!

On 20 December 2007 we will be tying the knot at Disney's Wedding Pavillion in fabulous Walt Disney World! How sweet is that?! We've scrapped our inital Hawaii plans in favor of a (much cooler and more appropriate) Walt Disney World wedding with a Caribbean cruise honeymoon.

Montgomery's love of Legal Counsel + Montgomery's love of Disney Theme Parks = best wedding ever

We had already reserved the location before our trip, and the trip let us make sure that it was perfect. Their wedding plans look awesome, and they always get great reviews and recommendations. I know it'll be perfect because Disney always does everything with quality. The number of guests we can invite is just enough for both of our families. And it'll be a great excuse for everybody to take a vacation. It's all going to be perfect.

Now all I have to do is make it through the Step 1 and half of my third year rotations. I'm going to be distracted by wedding thoughts literally the entire time.