Farnsworth Bentley

Two blogs in one day...wha???

I'm studying at Bentley's with Legal Counsel. Well, not studying at the moment. Right now I'm eating the delicious Fruit, Yogurt & Nuts plate (I'd make a joke about nuts, but I'm better than that†). The best thing about eating yogurt is the realization that you're eating live bacterial cultures. It's the ultimate act of carnivorism.

At Bentley's, there is a large shaker-type container full of a white powder. The only label on the container reads, "Not Sugar!" While being very adamant about not containing sugar, this tag really just confuses me more. If it's not sugar, what is it? Salt? Powdered non-dairy creamer? Cocaine? Parmesan cheese? Anthrax? Poison? Whitesnake?

You can't just put a label on something telling me what it's not. I wouldn't go to the grocery store and purchase a package of red meat labeled "Not beef," no matter how many exclamation marks are in there. And the last time I drank a clear liquid labeled "Not water!" I wound up in Tijuana with no pants, wearing a beret and a single white glove.

If you're going to go to the trouble of putting a sticker on something, why not just say what it is? If I go to the condiments bar and see a container marked "Borax," I'm going to understand that it's not sugar(!). Unless I'm stupid, in which case I deserve to eat the Na₂B₄O₇. Mmm...detergenty...


†no I'm not. That was a lie.