Mock, YEAH, Ex, YEAH, Am, YEAH, Mock Exam now everybody have you heard?
Today I had my Biochem mock final. I hate biochem. T-Bag gets on my nerves and I think the material is totally useless. If the subject of 15-deoxy-Δ12,14-PGJ2 ever comes up in practice, I'll prescribe 15cc of "get the hell out of my office"...enol. Really, it's way too detailed for non-PhD work, especially since I don't want to do any research.
But as much as the class bugs me, I appreciate the fact that they run mock-tests before the actual tests. They show you what to expect and help you prepare. Or they would help you prepare if you weren't going in full of barely-restrainable rage. In that case, you end up bubbling whichever answer has the prettiest grouping of letters. Or bubbling sentences. DAD ACED CAB!
Why was I full of non-sensical bubble sentence rage? The friggin' Medical Student Research Program. It's a load of crap. You don't actually learn anything except how to jump through bureaucratical hoops and fill out paperwork (which is the way medicine seems to be going, really). And eventually they just tell you that your research won't be sponsored since it's not already being done...huh?
I got emailed this morning to come speak with the head honcho, who I'll call MegaWatt. That has nothing to do with her initials, by the way. So MegaWatt calls me into her den and sits me down on her little couch while she sits in this raised up chair. It was like she was perched up in a nest looking down on me, like some kind of greasy old harpy.
She starts shrieking about how my mentor isn't actually doing the research right now, so it can't start with me. And how the proper paperwork wasn't signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, lost, found again, queried, subjected to public inquiry, lost and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighter. Yes, I'm pretty sure that MegaWatt is in fact Vogon, both in attitude and appearance.
And let me say that the whole time I was frightened that her hair was going to spring to life and consume me. Anybody who has dealt with MegaWatt knows what I'm talkin' 'bout. She might be the offspring of Satan and that stylist on Bravo, Jonathon. Yikes.
So there I was: working with a former MSRP committee member, badgered for weeks about getting everything done exactly how they like it, only to be told a week before finals (two weeks before summer begins) that my project was doomed from the beginning. Time to take a test!
It was a waste. I made a mockery of the mock exam. At least I beat Allan at foosball just before taking it.
While we're on the subject of exams worthy of mocking: Legal Counsel had to take an Ethics class and her final was today. There are so many things I can say now. I could point out the humor of making future lawyers take a class to teach them ethics. On a related note, we need a good word for "the exact opposite of irony." "Expected" is just to boring. I could poke fun at her friends who studied hard to learn ethics, essentially admitting that they have none. I could laugh at the fact that the State of Arizona puts together a "Rules of Conduct" for lawyers, since apparently they can't figure it out themselves. I could even go on a tirade on how ridiculous it is to dictate ethics, which are totally subjective, to other people. I could do all of those things. But I won't. Because I have ethics...
Her teacher had a strong bias towards defense. Every case made the prosecutor look like an inept drunk who eats babies and poops carcinogens, sitting on a hoard of treasure in a mountain lair, petting a fluffy white cat. That would get real annoying, real fast. But I guess the ethics teacher would have to be a defense attorney - they know the most about flexible morality.
I just wrote that to get people all riled up. Let's see if it works...
Sorry, this post was more angry than amusing. I'll calm down and maybe make a poop joke later. Hehe, poop...
But as much as the class bugs me, I appreciate the fact that they run mock-tests before the actual tests. They show you what to expect and help you prepare. Or they would help you prepare if you weren't going in full of barely-restrainable rage. In that case, you end up bubbling whichever answer has the prettiest grouping of letters. Or bubbling sentences. DAD ACED CAB!
Why was I full of non-sensical bubble sentence rage? The friggin' Medical Student Research Program. It's a load of crap. You don't actually learn anything except how to jump through bureaucratical hoops and fill out paperwork (which is the way medicine seems to be going, really). And eventually they just tell you that your research won't be sponsored since it's not already being done...huh?
I got emailed this morning to come speak with the head honcho, who I'll call MegaWatt. That has nothing to do with her initials, by the way. So MegaWatt calls me into her den and sits me down on her little couch while she sits in this raised up chair. It was like she was perched up in a nest looking down on me, like some kind of greasy old harpy.
She starts shrieking about how my mentor isn't actually doing the research right now, so it can't start with me. And how the proper paperwork wasn't signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, lost, found again, queried, subjected to public inquiry, lost and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighter. Yes, I'm pretty sure that MegaWatt is in fact Vogon, both in attitude and appearance.
And let me say that the whole time I was frightened that her hair was going to spring to life and consume me. Anybody who has dealt with MegaWatt knows what I'm talkin' 'bout. She might be the offspring of Satan and that stylist on Bravo, Jonathon. Yikes.
So there I was: working with a former MSRP committee member, badgered for weeks about getting everything done exactly how they like it, only to be told a week before finals (two weeks before summer begins) that my project was doomed from the beginning. Time to take a test!
It was a waste. I made a mockery of the mock exam. At least I beat Allan at foosball just before taking it.
While we're on the subject of exams worthy of mocking: Legal Counsel had to take an Ethics class and her final was today. There are so many things I can say now. I could point out the humor of making future lawyers take a class to teach them ethics. On a related note, we need a good word for "the exact opposite of irony." "Expected" is just to boring. I could poke fun at her friends who studied hard to learn ethics, essentially admitting that they have none. I could laugh at the fact that the State of Arizona puts together a "Rules of Conduct" for lawyers, since apparently they can't figure it out themselves. I could even go on a tirade on how ridiculous it is to dictate ethics, which are totally subjective, to other people. I could do all of those things. But I won't. Because I have ethics...
Her teacher had a strong bias towards defense. Every case made the prosecutor look like an inept drunk who eats babies and poops carcinogens, sitting on a hoard of treasure in a mountain lair, petting a fluffy white cat. That would get real annoying, real fast. But I guess the ethics teacher would have to be a defense attorney - they know the most about flexible morality.
I just wrote that to get people all riled up. Let's see if it works...
Sorry, this post was more angry than amusing. I'll calm down and maybe make a poop joke later. Hehe, poop...
posted by Montgomery at 3:52 PM
1 Comments:
Ok, so I couldn't put my finger on who the research lady, MegaWatts, is, but once you mentioned the hair coming alive I knew EXACTLY who you were talking about
........super scary!!!
-peasley
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