On Doctoring

It's just 2 short days until I officially become a doctor. Pretty exciting, but also a little scary. Sure I feel that school has prepared me to be a physician, but it's still a lot of responsibility. I've got people's health and lives in my hands, and who knows what kind of situations I might encounter.

So I did what I always do when I'm approaching a major life change: I consulted my life coach. Well, my two life coaches actually. Their names are Flathead and Roundhead, ages 10 and 8 respectively. They're my cousins.

I asked them - "Boys, what will it be like as a doctor? What can I expect?" They decided to answer my questions in the form of a drawing, which is good because I don't do well with words. Here it is:

It was drawn on an Olive Garden™ menu, which is my medium of choice for most art. It is their interpretation of life as a doctor. Let me break it down for you, as it was explained to me.

• "Doctor Sword" in right hand
• Dynamite in left hand
• Eye patch
• Spiky green hair
• Surrounded by flames
• Flying monkey minion (upper right corner)

Needless to say, this drawing has put my mind at ease. Being a doctor is going to be friggin' awesome! Weaponry? Explosives? Avian simian servants? Sign me up! I thought I had to give up those dreams when I chose medical school over the graduate program in Mad Science at Case Western, but the two are surprisingly similar. Looks like I need to get to work hollowing out a mountain for my lair.

Now, does anybody know if they give us the Doctor Sword at graduation, or do I have to order my own?