Let me flip for you. Ain't I something?

Disney must be building up hype for a Pirates of the Caribbean Trilogy HD DVD Box Set or something because there sure have been a lot of pirate attacks in the news recently. I personally think it's a little extreme just to sell some extra tapes, but Disney likes to go all out.

Anyway, I was browsing my favorite online news source, the China Daily, when I stumbled on this article. Apparently some pirates were trying to attack a Chinese merchant ship (ironically loaded with pirated DVDs) near the Gulf of Aden (named after late 90s indie pop band Aden) when a swarm of dolphins swam between the merchants and the pirates, thus thwarting any possible pillaging and/or plundering. They even have a picture:

I'm usually the last to admit when I'm in the wrong, but this time I have to. Aquaman, I owe you an apology. I take back 30% of the awful things I've said about you. You're not a total waste of space. Apparently your powers do have a practical application every once in a while. By risking the lives of hundreds of innocent dolphins, you were able to protect some communists and for that we should thank you. I'll stop telling everybody that you should be kicked out of the Justice League and be replaced by Matter-Eater Lad...for now.

But so help me, if you don't do at least one heroic thing a year I'm going to...well...I shall taunt you a second time! And I still think Michael Phelps can swim faster than you - provided there's a bag of Funyuns in front of him.

In related news: Navy SEALs kick ass.

In other news: I'm still on the fence about Harbor SEALs. Sure they're cute, but...

Okay, they kick ass too.

The Easter Bunny laid an egg

Let me educate all you pagans out there: last Sunday was Easter Sunday - a day commemorating zombie Jesus clawing his way out of his tomb to feast on human brains...and sins. Wait, isn't Easter a pagan holiday to begin with? Shoot, I didn't teach anybody anything.

Anyway, Legal Counsel and I celebrated Holy Saturday by driving to Florence, AZ and watching her niece/nephews indulge in a free Easter ellipsoid hunt put on by a local church. The eggs were not real eggs, since nobody likes the crushing realization that their minutes of fun have only resulted in a basket full of off-color hard-boiled eggs. And they didn't contain candy because candy is the devil. No, these eggs contained toys...special toys.

The church advertised that they would "fill the park with 10,000 eggs." That statement should have triggered the realization that they were going for quantity over quality. The toys were terrible. There were pogs folded in half to fit in the egg, thus ruining any pog potential, or pogtential. There was a button that I'm pretty sure had a picture of Joey McIntyre on it. There were creepy monsters sculpted of the cheapest plastic possible, likely carcinogenic. And everything else looked both cheap and used, like D-Rock's mom.

Basically the eggs were stuffed with toys that would have been kicked out of the Island of Misfit Toys. But for me, the highlight were the patches. You see, some of the eggs contained iron-on patches that looked more worn-out than D-Rock's mom. See for yourself:



See what I mean? Here's the rundown:

• "Store Manager" - for all those kids who dream of one day managing a store
• "Run for your life, United States Army, 100 mile club" - way more difficult to join than the mile high club
• "Southwest" - for fans of the cheapest airline around
• "UAW 235" - for kids dreaming of working for American Axle in Hamtramck, MI
• "Arkansas Air Courier" - when you absolutely need to get a crate of hog jowls from Little Rock to Fort Smith within 72 hours, choose Arkansas Air Courier
• "Dover/Davenport" - finally a patch displaying my favorite city in Deleware and my least favorite city in Iowa
• "Eastern" - an airline that went out of business in 1991 (to be fair, it was at one time the official airline of Walt Disney World)

And my personal favorite:

• "Chevron Eastern Region So. East Division Safety Award" - need I say more?

Who would possibly think these are good prizes for children? I'm pretty sure the church placed an order with a meth addict, who subsequently spent all the money on meth and filled the eggs with garbage. Then when he ran out of garbage he started ripping patches off his bomber jacket. Twas a sad day indeed.

Wicked, tricksy, false!

I'm in the middle of my last rotation as a medical student, and it's a rotation with a lot of down-time. For Montgomery, down-time means two things: scheming and eating. And being at the county hospital where food is free for students, I'm doing more of the latter than the former.

I eat to kill time when the library is locked in the morning. I eat to kill time before rounds. I eat when I get sick of studying in the library. I'm doing so much eating that I do believe I'm turning into a hobbit. From Wikipedia:

[Hobbits] enjoy at least seven meals a day, when they can get them – breakfast, second breakfast, elevenses, luncheon, afternoon tea, dinner, and (later in the evening) supper.

Yeah, that sounds about right. Let's check.

• Breakfast: eggs, taters*, bacon, juice
• Second breakfast: donut, milk
• Elevenses: cookie, milk
• Luncheon: entree o' the day, soda
• Afternoon tea: apple, bottled water
• Dinner: something at home
• Supper: popcorn/random food in the kitchen/a fish so juicy sweet

Yep, I'm definitely eating enough to qualify as a hobbit. But I'm okay with that...hobbits are probably my favorite fictional humanoid. That's right, kobolds, you're in second place. Maybe you should step it up during next year's tournament.

Update
I found another item that looks like two cocci and a bacillus:
It's a spoon rest discovered at a lawyer party I attended this past weekend. And the best part is, if you turn it upside down it looks like my first apartment.


* boil 'em, mash 'em, stick 'em in a stew